| 3/18/2008 8:21:28 AM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
biggin1967
Evansville, IN
age: 40
| This is part of my own personal evaluation. But I feel it is beneficial for all.
Married 2 times first one because I got her pregnant and it was "the right thing to do" lasted 13 years..2nd one was I thought my best friend I have never felt closer to anyone in my life,but one day just up and walks out with reasons of " I do not understand how to support her emotionally" since I now feel responsible for everything what can I do different in any relationship past this point?
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| 3/18/2008 9:01:49 AM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
drub22boy
Kaukauna, WI
age: 32
| You really have to figure this one out for yourself.
It's like you're gauging her discontentment and then trying to act accordingly. Try not to let it get to this by being a better accompanist and anticipate--really integrate. The attempts alone can help.
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| 3/18/2008 9:18:49 AM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
awakeing
Walled Lake, MI
age: 35
| I think it boils down to communication. If she can't tell you what she needs emotionally how are you suppose to know if you can support her that way. Seems unfair in my book.
When I discover this in someone I just walk away, there is nothing I can do. It's not my fault if they can't tell me exactly what it is they need.
They are even being respectful enough to give you a choice if you can or cannot give them what they need. No one I know is a mind reader.
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| 3/18/2008 10:48:38 AM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
biggin1967
Evansville, IN
age: 40
| Yes exactly, I constantly was trying to find out what was bothering her, I always got the same response .."I don't know, if I did I would tell you" But I will tell you she was the best thing that ever happened to me and was the best 6 years of my life, so for that I am grateful.
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| 3/18/2008 1:24:46 PM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43 online now!
| i posted this in another thread, but...it bears repeating, i think?  u let me know!
i had an interesting conversation with two ladies yesterday. oddly, the topic was about losing the one u really want to b with or love. as the conversation went on, the older of the two women said this to me. it may be your nature, or something in your character that wants to defend or protect the one u love at all costs, and want to do anything to save the relationship. however, u will never b able to defend or protect a woman who won't defend or protect herself....from herself! simple words. very powerful though. just something to think about!
[Edited 3/18/2008 5:49:44 PM]
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| 3/18/2008 1:52:18 PM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
jasmom
Quincy, IL
age: 35
| In my opinion there is an enormous difference between saving or trying to fix someone and supporting them emotionally. To support someone emotionally means to be there when the going gets tough, respect them and to allow them room for personal growth. I agree with Drumr that we can only fix ourselves... no one else could no matter how much they wanted to.
I'm sorry for your pain but it sounds like you're starting in the right place by doing a self-evaluation. You might never know what happened with the two of you but you can make any changes to yourself that might help future relationships. I wish you the best.
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| 3/18/2008 5:49:55 PM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43 online now!
| for the record.
the women giving me advice were not making a reference to me personally. they both were referring to some of the men they had dated, and how some of these men were actually trying to help being supportive in whatever way they could. i had just met these ladies at an aa meeting, and they offered me some advice on what to look for, and how to be aware of certain signs, or triggers, that can, and often times do, create problems in a relationship.(and not just romantic either)
sorry for the confusion
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| 3/18/2008 5:52:32 PM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
bella2020
Lebanon, OH
age: 47
| Thats ok Drummr'
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| 3/18/2008 8:50:29 PM | How can men be encouraging when women don't know what is wrong? | |
drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43 online now!
| my comments here r not directed at anyone. if i have offended anyone, that was not my intention, and i do apologize. i was merely sharing an experience that i had encountered in my life and felt I needed to share it with all of you. i thought that was what a forum was all about. i now know where the limits/boundaries r, and i will remain inside them going forward.
we all have flaws. we all know that there r things about ourselves that we need to work on, so that we may become better persons. and it starts with looking in the mirror everyday. and as a side note. i feel great everytime i come to this site, knowing that all of you r here sharing your thoughts and opinions as well. my heartfelt best wishes to one and all. 
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