Forums: Relationships: Love revisited, a mistake or second chance???
3/25/2008 5:49:22 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

rjpoetic
Sioux City, IA
age: 37

Ok I just wanted to say that this post is for the serious members of DH I am seeking their sage advice for the flamers and malcontents please post elsewhere.

Easter morning at 3am I received a phone call from my ex of 6 years, she was upset and crying and said that my children had easter baskets on my porch. The beginning of my conundrum...

I am new to the dating scene because my ex and I had broken up at the end of December '07 I will try to fill you in by short detail to give a little clarity to my predicament. I was devastated the whole of January and most of February and started feeling human again the end of February and decided to TRY to date (mostly at my buddy Josh's urging to "live" again)!

I have been on a few dates and had actually met a wonderful young lady with a daughter just a year younger than my son. We met at chuckee cheese for our first date to let the kids play and have fun and have some time to chit chat and get to know each other, it was literally a blast. She kicked my ass in skee ball and was not only physically beautiful but the chemistry was there from the start. we dated a couple of more times shared a delicate but very electrifying first kiss and made plans for her to come to my house last Friday to just rent some movies, make some dinner and relax with a nice bottle of wine. Without getting into details I will just say that the evening turned out great! She left Saturday afternoon and the kids were already making plans for the next time they got to see each other.

Late that night came the phone call. Now just to put into perspective my feelings for my ex and I KNOW how most of the people on DH feel about ex's (I read the threads people!) I love my ex she is simply the most wonderful woman I have ever known. We had grown apart and seemed to have irresolvable issues so I asked her to leave when she began treating me shitty. I had asked her to not call me anymore because my heart could simply not take the hurt I felt when we spoke and I realized that this woman that I loved so dearly was not mine to hold, to kiss, to ravash...her scent would not cling to my pillow anymore. When she called me upset like that my defenses that I had built up over the last few months crumbled to dust and we talked for over an hour and I agreed to pick her up the next morning. She spent all of Easter with us (much to the joy of my children who love this woman) and that night after the kidlets were snug in their beds she came to me with all of the passion that any man could dream a woman could have for him. I took her back to the place she has been staying since we split up (a girlfriends) reluctantly and she asked if she could come back the next day (monday) and spend the night. Yesterday was beautiful we made dinner, talked like best friends again and the kids chatted her ears off, obviously glad to have her home. We made love last night and she fell asleep in my arms making the most contented noises while I held her close and gently stroked the skin of her back and shoulders with my fingertips. This morning she had to go to work and after I took her back I felt I could really use the guidance of the many "in touch" and very wise people here so there it is I have laid myself bare and I need to know do I do?!?! Am I making a huge mistake??

3/25/2008 6:12:29 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

yanks118
Moab, UT
age: 25

well, wow!

i am not really sure what to tell you. from experience with any x that i have tried to make a second go around with... it turned out fatal.. usually within the breakup there is a lot of pain there and a lot of people hold on to that and don't go into the "new" relationship open minded..... and it usually ends up ok for a min then going back to how it was right before the breakup..... i really don't know what to say in your situation.... why don't you play it cool.... be friends with your ex and be friends with the other woman... but make sure they both know the situation and what you are going through and that your at a fork in the road right now......

don't lie to them though.... if they are comfortable with taking the time to let you clear the cobwebs from your head and start thinking straight again (sorry but it's rare that anyone thinks right after a break up)
then you should be able to work through it.... either that or tell them both goodbye and give yourself a while to weed it all out...

3/25/2008 6:40:19 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

rjpoetic
Sioux City, IA
age: 37

Yeah you are dead on the money Tommy. I had plans with my new friend on Monday and when I called her to cancel I was completely honest with her and she was pretty upset. I had to be honest though I wasn't going to lie to her and I like her very much.

3/25/2008 6:46:55 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

couger2543
Riverview, FL
age: 56

careful i took mine back three times before i said enough and it's even tougher when you have a kid we had none. she made promises that were not kept. and i like a fool took her back every time, but because it happen to me dosen't mean it will happen to you actions speak louder than words

3/25/2008 6:52:21 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

vitruviangal
Madison, WI
age: 47

All I can say is the only thing you have to go on are your feelings. It is great that you attracted such a wonderful experience with someone new because that tells you that all of the wonderful things you enjoy about relationships is alive and well in you. Like attracts like. The love in you is alive and attracting more to enjoy and love about relationships.


As far as your not quite ex, could you have done the last few days any other way based on how you feel about her? Probably not. Just be in the moments you are living and you will know by how you feel what is best for you.

3/25/2008 7:44:51 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

rjpoetic
Sioux City, IA
age: 37

Thanks Vitruvian I am trying to sort out my feelings. I appreciate your perspective

3/25/2008 8:08:11 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

silkpanties53
Baytown, TX
age: 53 online now!

Just remember one thing
The first break up was hell on the heart and the mind
The second break up will lead to hate and rage because you put your all into your heart.
The only thing to do is try, some times people open their eyes and see what they had and how good the feelings are and she might be truthfull to you now.
Keeping your gaurd up is not a way to live, will she do this to you again ? Can you handle that again ?
You let your guard down as you say and thats ok for her part but what about you ?
Life goes on for everyone and happiness and sadness follows. Just learn from you experances with her and see what happens.
I don't think you should give up for one mistake she made, do alot of talking about what she wants, then drop it and live your lives together.


Good luck to you and your family

3/25/2008 8:36:15 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

dorothy72
Maroa, IL
age: 36

Don't know if it's a mistake however you should ask youself a few ?'s about her motivation! did she find out you were seeing someone else, are holidays hard for her? why was she treating you badly before you asked her to leave, and mostly if you enjoyed the time you spent with the "other" woman and there was a spark are you willing to pass on the opportunity of finding out where things could go with her, to take a path you already went down, and probably know exactly where it will lead? If your x really wants another chance find out why! weigh your options and go from there, oh and please, realize you may be devastating the "other" woman who took a big chance opening the door to a relationship with you! So please be honest with her also!

3/25/2008 9:00:02 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

rjpoetic
Sioux City, IA
age: 37

I was honest with my new friend and yes Friday when we were at the store I saw one of her friends well she saw me and was like "hi RJ" I said hello but I am almost positive that she told my ex that she saw me at the store with a beautiful woman. Does that make it different than if she had NOT known and if so how??

3/25/2008 9:53:27 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

brneyes74
Loves Park, IL
age: 34

Whoa, if your ex found out that you were with another woman, feelings of jealously probly took over. Their is a possiblity that she doesn't want you with someone else, so, she changed her tune to get you back. Tread very carefully, whether or not it was malacious, jealously makes people do strange things. She knows what to say to you to get to you. Be careful.

3/25/2008 10:00:30 AMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

cinnamongirl65
St Catharines, ON
age: 42

Hey you, my heart goes out to u it does really pull at ur heartstrings that's for sure!!!! Now listen this didn't happen over night R.J ur a smart man ....You asked her to leave for a reason keep that close to the front ...Your vision maybe a bit blurry right now but it will come u will see clear .Your exmay have been alot of things but things change too! Maybe u have changed!! All the best to u ...karyn

3/25/2008 12:37:57 PMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

rjpoetic
Sioux City, IA
age: 37

Thanks Karyn I really appreciate it!! How YOU doin by the way beautiful??

3/25/2008 2:05:37 PMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

bobby57530
Jacksonville, FL
age: 52

If you think it hurt like all hell the first time you guys broke up , wait till it happens again. You may need a shovel to pick yourself back up . I can only talk from my own experiance and I can tell you that it is almost as bad as someone dying.....That's how bad it felt the second time around ..I should have listened to her own family and not put myself thru the pain again..........And then you will wonder if the one you let go
could have been THE ONE........................Bobby

3/25/2008 2:49:45 PMLove revisited, a mistake or second chance??? 

rjpoetic
Sioux City, IA
age: 37

I am already thinking that Bobby. Has anyone ever heard of it turning out good or is it doomed from the onset and I should just say leave me the hell alone! I already asked her to not call me anymore and she did anyway crying and my defenses crumbled