Forums: Relationships: Should a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie
4/6/2008 4:33:34 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

darin_c
Manteca, CA
age: 39

Ok here is the scenario.

I am a 39yr old divorced man; my best friend is a 29yr (currently divorcing) woman (I will call her Sunshine). In the past I had never allowed myself to acknowledge any feelings more than just friendship. I have gotten to know her, and feel very deeply for her. Another friend that knows the situation said that perhaps now I and Sunshine can get closer. At first I blew it off, but after exploring my feelings I realized that I love her very deeply (more so than just a best friend).

So my question is.

Should I express my feelings to my friend or just keep my mouth shut and hope that my deep feelings will pass. (I do not think it is a crush) And what are the ramifications for either action.




4/6/2008 4:43:52 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

bry11ca
Buellton, CA
age: 43

Darin,

My advice it to be since, deliberate, prepared. We are talking people's 's. This isn't a street that can just be resurfaced. I have made my mistakes and I have broken of some really wonderful s. I live with it every day. If you are not ready and she is not ready dont be a POSER . . . a FAKER. When your is WHOLE and hers is then tell her as much and go forward with deliberate, patient, sincere, and assertive confidence.

Then again . . . WTF do I know?

Bry

4/6/2008 4:44:20 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

workinglaman
Golden Meadow, LA
age: 47

Tell her, we're not in the dark ages anymore where we always have to be hard and keep our feelings and emotions locked up.Let her know how you feel and she will either accept or reject.Either way I think she will be glad you talked to her openly.

4/6/2008 6:34:08 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

whitebuffalow
Lacey, WA
age: 50

Absolutly tell her! Friendships of all kinds need to be based on honesty. She may or may not feel the same, be ready to accept that.

Good relationships begin with good friendship, and remain out of best friendship.

I've been mostly single about 17 years and have had wonderful men friends. A couple of them told me they felt more. As I didn't, it put a strain on the friendship for a bit but we resolved it and they remain friends.

4/6/2008 6:48:26 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

mag11
New Port Richey, FL
age: 39

Yea, If it's in the cards it will be great...Mikey

4/6/2008 6:54:12 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

honeyhoney4
Benton, IL
age: 71 online now!

Darin everyone needs friends and someone they can trust.
I think if in your position I would be just a good friend and help her get past the
divorce. Help her with the small things and be there for her if needed.
Possibly start out going for coffee/coke conversation; and maybe take the kids
[if there are any] with the two of you for pizza or something simple,even a movie.

But most of all do not smother her-just be there for her.
Feelings come later:and I wish you the best

4/6/2008 7:03:56 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

truegrace
Hagerstown, MD
age: 52

He did and we arent friends anymore!

4/6/2008 7:37:37 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

singleagain50
Greenville, SC
age: 50

I don't think I would say anything right now. If she's going thru a divorce, she needs the friend and confidant more than anything else at this time.

4/6/2008 7:51:24 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

doll121
Middleport, OH
age: 51

tell her the truth. be honest with her. but that is what i did and lost the friend. so i may be wrong.

4/6/2008 9:18:58 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

darin_c
Manteca, CA
age: 39

I think, for the time being, that I will follow singleagain50's advice. I will focus on being there for her as a friend during the trying times of her divorce. Perhaps when her life is stable and less stressful, I will let her know how I feel.

Thank you everyone for your advice.

Darin

4/6/2008 9:34:16 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

daddyduck
Splendora, TX
age: 54

I got a better question what if you don't tell her and find out to late that you both felt the same way? If she's real friend the worst that can happen is she'll be flattered and ya go from there, you know the rules of the game. If she say's you gotta be kidding maybe she's not that good a friend. Either way you got to make the decision, and let the chips fall

4/6/2008 9:43:31 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46

I would eventually tell her. My ex husband and I were best friends prior to marriage and if he hadn't told me how he felt I may not have realised. I was actually dating someone else at the time and then it dawned on me there and then that I really did love him.

4/6/2008 9:47:37 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

bry11ca
Buellton, CA
age: 43

OK, I've changed my mind beacause DaddyD and 62 know what the heck they are talking about. Me? Just a goof.

If your says YES (only you know this) then say something . . . I can't imagine that she won't respect your candor and consideration.

Fear not. I think she will be about it.

Prayers from me to you



4/6/2008 10:01:44 PMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

trance08
Boulder, CO
age: 44

I like daddy duck
you are a wise man

4/7/2008 4:57:38 AMShould a close male friend express his feelings to a close female frie 

white_owl
Victoria
Australia
age: 49

A close friend and I became lovers, that ended and now we're trying to become friends again...it feels like trying to conquer Mt.Everest and I'm not sure I want to take the risks!! In hindsight, we should have stayed friends. Let her deal with her issue of divorcing...your feelings would only burden her more and she could resent you for that. Be patient.