| 4/10/2008 4:21:32 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
tara7c
Westerville, OH
age: 49
| I recently read an article on being in love vs loving someone. The following are some excerpts from that article. What do you think? Do you agree with the author's thoughts? How do you know that it's love?
Being in love is an altered state. Suddenly your life is focused on another person and you can't bear being separated from him or her. You are in a bubble of fantasy, feeling overcome and giddy. Love for another person, in contrast, is closer to appreciation and affection.
Love is fairly reasonable, while being in love is more like a prolonged seizure, not literally sick or crazy, but one of those ordinary, positive ecstasies that take you out of ordinary life and introduce you to something new.
If you can't stop thinking about the other person, you're probably in love or getting close to it.
If you can imagine a family, work, and life together, you may be moving toward a steady love of the more meaningful kind.
When you're dating, you have to be patient and make your decisions during moments of clarity. Usually the blindness lasts only for a certain period, and then gradually it is replaced by the realities of making life decisions and getting along with the person on an everyday basis. It's possible to nurture both kinds of love in a relationship, and often it's deeply satisfying, though I would say not necessary, always to feel at least a little in love.
Couples sometimes worry that they are losing the love that brought them together, but love changes tone and color all the time. People make a mistake in thinking of love as a constant, unchanging emotion. What may feel like loss of love may be its ripening. Being in love can transform into a deeper, steadier desire to be together and share a life. But, as everyone knows, being in love doesn't always turn into a lasting relationship. That's all right, too, because each time we love and separate, we are initiated into love's ways, provided we allow ourselves to feel our emotions and talk about our experiences honestly with friends and family.
To assess whether you and the person you're in love with are ready for a serious relationship, you can ask yourself some key questions:
* Has your relationship been tested by differences of taste and opinion?
* Can you talk seriously and openly to each other?
* Can you imagine enjoying raising children together, sharing a life, and appreciating your differences?
*The pleasant potion on Cupid's arrow works instantly, but the working out of a relationship takes years. Thomas Moore
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| 4/10/2008 5:00:53 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
smilin_bob
Broadway, VA
age: 47
| I am going to focus on the following from your excerpts: * Has your relationship been tested by differences of taste and opinion?
* Can you talk seriously and openly to each other?
* Can you imagine enjoying raising children together, sharing a life, and appreciating your differences?
The pleasant potion on Cupid's arrow works instantly, but the working out of a relationship takes years. Thomas Moore
OK. I believe the above points are valid questions to be answered..
On the first two points.. too many times people in the beginning stage of a 'relationship' skip past the stuff that might cause conflict. If they start conversing, they are afraid to tell their true opinion, stand up for their beliefs, respecting each other's beliefs, and recognize when either of them may be wrong.
The third point is where the proverbial 'rubber meets the road'. It is there that a person realizes and really starts to think. If they have skipped past the first two steps, the relationship will be doomed when the first 'difference of opinion' happens.
I like the quote from Thomas Moore. A wise man!
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| 4/10/2008 5:47:34 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
1pinkstar
Omaha, NE
age: 54
| there's only romantic delusion. No such thing as love.
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| 4/10/2008 5:53:08 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
defiantlyltr
Stroudsburg, PA
age: 56
| Thanks Tara for sharing this article.
I know too well of what it is referring to.
Slow and steady wins the race of love in a real relationship.
(and let's not be such a pessimist, hey pinkie)
[Edited 4/10/2008 5:54:31 PM]
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| 4/10/2008 5:53:13 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
veteran61
Farmington, IL
age: 47
| Awww Pink, I thought that you loved me!! 
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| 4/10/2008 6:41:41 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
beccala15061
Monaca, PA
age: 23
| When you are "In Love" versus Love you will know it's Love, trust me and also trust me on this that it doesn't come around too often.
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| 4/10/2008 7:23:57 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
tara7c
Westerville, OH
age: 49
| I think that in the past I have focused way too much on the "in love" phase and overlooked things that would have been a clue as to the eventual outcome of the relationships...like Bob said. Now...I'm trying not to get as caught up in all the "feelings" of being in love...and really try to see the relationship for what it is and not overlook potential areas of conflict. It is a different kind of feeling when you are not so wrapped up in those sensations of "being in love."
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| 4/10/2008 7:33:24 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
1pinkstar
Omaha, NE
age: 54
| Vet: I romantic delusion you.
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| 4/10/2008 9:56:40 PM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
goodforfun51
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 53
| Hi Tara  Good thread...
I think that a gooooood and solid relationship begins with that fluttering in the belly... those can't live without hearing and seeing you moments... but is best balanced when the relationship has grown... to where you still have those feelings and you are able to make sound decisions and have solid judgements along with still feeling the depth of "New Love" within you as you go about your time together.
Because when those "In Love" feelings deminish and it simply becomes "Love" without those "In Love" feelings. Life together becomes mundane and the spark is weakened. SOOOOOOO to keep it all solid and ongoing you must have that "In Love along with the LOVE" and the relationship will be ever fresh and continuous!!!!
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| 4/11/2008 5:56:56 AM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
bobcats
Brooklyn, MI
age: 74
| if you dont know.it isnit
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| 4/11/2008 6:57:51 AM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
delcojoe
Philadelphia, PA
age: 34
| (Sorry , nothing to add and I cant figure out how to remove the reply all together)
[Edited 4/11/2008 7:05:47 AM]
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| 4/11/2008 7:16:19 AM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
wino631
Huntington, NY
age: 53
| Pink, I somewhat agree. There is Love out there. I know, I've seen it on TV.!
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| 4/11/2008 7:28:35 AM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
gabisanic
Pleasant Hill, CA
age: 51
| When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie... that's AMORE!
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| 4/11/2008 7:38:51 AM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
cranne
Columbus, OH
age: 58
| When you still feel the same way about them 3 months later. You can bare to kiss them early morning, still think that the things they do are cute. Infatuation has a very short shelf life when the real person starts to emurge. Usually about three to 4 months if you still care then it is love. But hey!!! we all have our own definitions.  
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| 4/11/2008 8:31:50 AM | How Do You Know It's Love? | |
justme68
Cleveland, OH
age: 42
| When I think of true love , I think of this poem by Robert Browning.
The grey sea and the long black land;
And the yellow half-moon large and low;
And the startled little waves that leap
In fiery ringlets from their sleep,
As I gain the cove with pushing prow,
And quench its speed i' the slushy sand.
Then a mile of warm sea-scented beach;
Three fields to cross till a farm appears;
A tap at the pane, the quick sharp scratch
And blue spurt of a lighted match,
And a voice less loud, through its joy and fears,
Than the two hearts beating each to each!
Robert Browning(1812-1889)
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