| 4/12/2008 7:02:35 PM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
jewels180
Bronx, NY
age: 46
| SWEETHEART, I promise you that it WILL deminish with time .... concentrate on you and your children .... do things for yourself that you could'nt do before ... you will eventually look back and say .... hey! jewels was RIGHT! ... lol... I hope your smiling right about now   ........................ I send you a HUG
[Edited 4/12/2008 7:04:34 PM]
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| 4/12/2008 11:06:53 PM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
snorrk
San Diego, CA
age: 61
| I hear the same thing from almost everybody..."give it time"; "get to know yourself"; it will fade in time". All are true. But try starting over after 30 years, like I did. Time has passed, I got to know myself, the pain faded in time, and I turned that emotional energy into two masters degrees...something I would never have had the nerve to try otherwise. So I want to add to all the other good advice you've received with: get involved. Find something that suits your interest and immerse yourself in it up to your eyeballs. You will discover in doing so that 1) time will pass, 2) you will get to know yourself, 3) the pain and hurt has faded, 4)and you will have accomplished something (whatever it is) that you wouldn't have attempted otherwise. Maybe it will even make you a better person.
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| 4/12/2008 11:16:05 PM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
momylaugh
Napa, CA
age: 44
| My ex not only cheated on me, he told lies about me to mutual friends and then to top it all off he PURCHASED a bride from the Ukraine. He then told me we needed to get divorced because he had PAID for her almost 3 years prior and if he didn't start working to bring her to the US, he would lose his deposit. Said it wasn't personal. WHAT?
It does get better. You learn to laugh about it. People ask me how I can make this whole thing so funny and my answer is, "If I don't laugh, I might be tempted to cry." He isn't worth it.
Everyone knows he is a liar. Someday he will get caught in all his illegal activities and his newly purchased bride can deal with the aftermath. I get to watch from the sidelines.
Our kids are mostly adults now, so I think that makes it easier.
Focus on you. You are worth it.
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| 4/13/2008 6:00:53 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
cashflow
Woodbury, NJ
age: 56
| loose some weight and get some dating books
change.
thank you
cashflow
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| 4/13/2008 10:10:33 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
libra75
Garfield, AR
age: 33
| beats me...I'm still tryin' to figure out how to start over after 10 yrs..
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| 4/13/2008 11:24:07 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
ktarlington
Arlington, TX
age: 49
| I was with mine for 17 years and we just broke up this past October so it's been 6 months my choice just because of the way he treated me. We use to have a lot of great times but because of his temper and HIS MOM defending him all the time it killed it. Could not talk to him with out him telling me how stupid my feelings were so when I get to thinking about the good times we did have 17 years will make you do that I MAKE myself remember all the neg. and that does help get through another day because I DO KNOW THAT AS TIME PASSES AND ALL THOSE FEELINGS THAT I DO HAVE will come to realty then I WILL BE ASKING MYSELF WHY DID I PUT UP WITH IT AS LONG AS I DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why be miserable living with someone when you can be miserable alone the answer to that is because you CHOOSE to be miserable when you are alone and you and only you can CHOOSE to change it now that you are FREE. Just remind yourself everyday that you deserve better than being cheated on and who wants someone that would do that to you. That kind of example you really don't want to set for your kids do you? Everyone can say get over it move on etc. ect. but the one thing I can promise time is your best friend at this point and you will get to that point to where you let go and ask yourself why did I fell so bad to begin with.
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| 4/13/2008 11:34:48 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
your_sweetie
Yuba City, CA
age: 49
| not to be rude.... pick your a** up, dust it off and go do something about it.
life is what you make of it....
I know numbness takes control.... sometimes it takes a good friend to tell you like it is.
Thats how it worked for me
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| 4/13/2008 11:37:51 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
bry11ca
Canton, MI
age: 43
|  & for JLs
She is wise.
Bry
[Edited 4/13/2008 11:38:06 AM]
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| 4/14/2008 9:03:30 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
doll121
Middleport, OH
age: 51
| let it go. but with the next one one mistake and he is gone down the road.
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| 4/14/2008 9:52:48 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
bigpoppa1976
Moorhead, MN
age: 32
| You know everybody is talking about how the man did this and the man did that?????? What about the woman......? wheni was divorced....my ex wife was so vindictive that she knew she wanted a divorce 6 months into her pregnancy.....She wanted to have kids so badly she used me for that....she moved away and i followed and then filed for divorce 2 weeks after we moved....our kids were 3 months old.....on top of that they were triplets. You couldn't tell me that she didn't do this on purpose.....woman can be evil. Does anyone think she has mental problems??????Please reply truthfully.....she was sexually abused for 8 years with full intercourse with her grandfather.....does that make any difference.....please reply
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| 4/14/2008 11:08:05 PM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
momylaugh
Napa, CA
age: 44
| I'm sure her abusive childhood helped form her personality. I know vindictive women, never meant to imply it was always the mans fault. Sorry for your loss. Do you have a relationship with the triplets?
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| 4/14/2008 11:38:50 PM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
kat0203
Portland, OR
age: 48
| Take advice from Larado!! He's awesome with his "Let it go" And Bry is a sweetheart!
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| 4/15/2008 8:10:21 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
sensuousmagic
Grand Prairie, TX
age: 56
| Don't see him every day. Not seeing and being around the person that you were in love with and time are the only way you will be able to move on in your life. Otherwise you will not have the time to learn from it.
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| 4/15/2008 8:20:39 AM | How do you start over after 16 years? | |
bethlett
Spokane, WA
age: 88
| ".....and then to top it all off he PURCHASED a bride from the Ukraine. He then told me we needed to get divorced because he had PAID for her almost 3 years prior and if he didn't start working to bring her to the US, he would lose his deposit. Said it wasn't personal. WHAT"
Holy Mother of the IRS, I think this pretty much gets the prize for "WORST EX HUSBAND EVER".
Don't worry. He will get exactly what he paid for.
As for the Original Poster....I don't think time heals. Time dulls the memories. I think probably you are, like most of the rest of us single and divorced people, scarred for life one way or another. For me, I've just found outlets that do not include being in a relationship with a man. I took up perennial gardening, I buried myself in my career, I am going to start painting watercolours this year..maybe take a swing dance class for exercise. I've started valuing the relationships I have with women a lot more...
Just don't make the same mistake I did - for the last ten years I've waited for "the" man to come into my life. I put off buying a house and settling down because I wanted to be "available" to change and work around "his" life. Silly me. I finally bought a house a year ago, and I wish I'd done it ten years ago. Take life one day at a time....
What is that someone said? Life is what happens while you are planning the future?
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