| 4/19/2008 11:45:41 PM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
hph1478
Lakeside, CA
age: 30
| I have met a lot of people through web sites and most of them either thought with the wrong part of their body (they just wanted to get laid and then say "Ta-Ta") they wanted a girl to brandish on their arm for a day and then went onto the next one (as if they wanted to rack up a score card of how many women they have been out with) or they just want to play chit chat on the internet. I came to this web site to MEET people and let time run it's course. I don't want to be a living blow up doll, I don't want to play Julia Roberts for a day (pretty woman plot) and I don't want to play tiddlywinks on the internet forever. That is why after I get to know someone on the internet, I tell them that if they are comfortable giving me their number we can jump the formalities and actually meet. Most men seem to lack the words "romance" and "love" in their vocabulary. They think "Sex" and "Ego". If less men though with the wrong head and deflated their egos a tad, maybe there would be less divorce and more happy couples out there.
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| 4/19/2008 11:55:26 PM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
katiescarlett72
Justin, TX
age: 35
| I could be wrong, but I would venture a guess that your less-than-positive attitude and focus on being romanced may be somewhat off-putting to men. The way your profile is written is very assertive and somewhat intimidating. In your pics, you also appear very business-like and stern. It might help to soften up your appearance and actually smile with your teeth showing now and then.
Blaming everything on men wanting a "trophy" is not going to get you anywhere, and it's not accurate, either.
Keep in mind the old saying about how one man's trash is another's treasure (yeah, I know, maybe not the best terms, but you get the idea). My new hubby calls me his trophy wife all the time. I am probably absolutely NO ONE else's idea of a trophy wife, but to him, I am the epitomy of all that is attractive.
You don't have to have a size 6, implanted body, bleached hair, or spray on tan to be a man's trophy ... you have to be what HE sees as the ultimate in desirability. The key is to stay positive and be as attractive as you can in your own unique, wonderful way, so that when you meet the guy who sees you as his dream girl, he doesn't feel like he has to batter through your barriers to reach you.
[Edited 4/19/2008 11:56:16 PM]
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| 4/20/2008 12:03:31 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
hph1478
Lakeside, CA
age: 30
| I understand what you mean by stern and intimidating, which I probably attribute to the amount times that I wanted to slowly let things flow and realized that all the man wanted was "Sex; NSA". About smiling in my pics, I attempt not to do that because when I smile (unless I am genuinely happy) it looks false. I have friends that took a photo of me and they commented "It's cute; you like like Lucy from the Peanuts". I thought I looked like I had dentures falling out of my mouth. That's why I deleted it from my photos. When I refer to a trophy I don't mean like a "Trophy wife". I mean like "Look who I have today". An alternative analogy is this: I want to someday have someone laying beside me in bed at night so that I can lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek, but I want the RIGHT person there. I don't want to have a different man on the other side of the bed every night, just as I don't think men should date women once and then take off without getting to know her. People should allow one another the opportunity to get to know each other before passing judgement or saying "We won't work". Thanks for your opinion though.
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| 4/20/2008 12:06:49 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
annabanana1010
Lansdale, PA
age: 30
| Katie you just about nailed that one and by the way.....you may not think you are anyone else's trophy but I think you are very pretty. And you have a great attitude and confidence... Keep it up
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| 4/20/2008 12:11:41 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
crimson_tide
Florence, AL
age: 32
| I'd have to say theres a simple solution to your problem. If you don't want a different man in your bed every night, then slow things down a bit. I am not calling you easy, but slow things down a lil bit. The man of your dreams would wait. 
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| 4/20/2008 12:13:09 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46
| If you're not happy with the way you look, change it around a bit.............Pamela Anderson might just do the trick
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| 4/20/2008 12:18:05 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
hph1478
Lakeside, CA
age: 30
| Just for clarification, I didn't literally mean in my bed. My libido is on hibernation until I know I have found the right person. I WILL wait and when I find that person I WILL remain loyal and by their side through thick and thin but I also can't hypnotize them and convince them that the bedroom comes after committment. I apologize if I offended you. Maybe it's just bad luck but most of of the men that I have met (through this site mind you) thought that you shouldn't wait for committment to be sexually intimate and my refusal to give into that theory made them "Get it somewhere else" as they phrased it themselves.
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| 4/20/2008 12:26:16 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
patty0727
Judsonia, AR
age: 60
| Yeah well I agree with hph that sometimes this is just a bunch of crap...And I think this goes back to Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus...Men don't talk much they can wink all day and what the hell does that mean to me...not much. Then just about the time you think one is gona open up and talk to you..( and I am shy) Then what he does say doesn't make a whole lot of sense..It is so weird...They strut their trucks and such..They show their deer killing stuff..They brag about their fish ...but do they talk to you...only surperficially..I thought that the whole purpose of the dating sites was to get past the crap and actually date someone with a few moments of talking with them to see if they are someone you actually would want to see.Well not much has changed over the years... They are still dragging their feet..Yes I am frustrated and lonely..why ealse would I be up at this hour on the internet...I am ready to meet a man who is willing to talk to me and spend time with me..not just fool around on the internet.
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| 4/20/2008 12:32:07 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
patty0727
Judsonia, AR
age: 60
| I agree, I want sex just as much as anyone but I will wait till it is with the right man.Not just anyone...I want the one that I will spend the rest of my life with.I enjoy sex and so on and so on but I won't with just any body...It is just simple wrong for me.I yearn for that right person...but I will wait till it is right...I just feel like sometimes this internet crap is just alot of hooie!
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| 4/20/2008 12:35:17 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
hph1478
Lakeside, CA
age: 30
| Thank you oh, so much. That is exactly what I mean. I want to find someone who can see me for who I am and show me who they are, rather than bragging about their trucks, whistling at me or making lewd commentary. I am loving, caring, loyal and devoted. A man would not have to worry whether I was cheating on him and I wouldn't interrogate him about his every move. If he wants to talk about trucks or fishing and the like, that is fine. However men should participate in discussions with women too, rather than just saying "Whatever" like they don't care or are not listening. A lot of the responses that I get on this site (but not all of them) are things like "Hi" just to see if you respond. It's e-mail tag and nothing more. It's easier to jump over the E-mail tag, meet someone, get to know them better and explore the possibility that there may be something between you but not try to sniff it out like a bloodhound. Although you shouldn't search for something that isn't there (if it is there, you will know) you also shouldn't dismiss that possibility too soon either.
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| 4/20/2008 12:48:01 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
katiescarlett72
Justin, TX
age: 35
| Okay, I'm sorry, I misunderstood. I do get what you're saying. All of us have run into the guys who see internet dating as one continuous hookup source. It's very frustrating at times, but don't let it get to you; the good ones are out there too.
What I found was that internet dating required a lot of time, and a lot of practice, before I got good at weeding out the bad ones fast. I could tell you all kinds of funny crap that I had happen during my first year or so of online dating. I was so annoyed with the "let's just go to my house and watch videos" theory of dating that I kept running into from men, that I gave up altogether for a while. Then I started to learn the signs to look for, and what men were less likely to pull that kind of thing.
I am in total agreement with you that I have never seen sex as a party favor. But I promise, there are lots of men out there who agree, or at least respect and admire a woman who doesn't pass herself around. I was always very up front on the phone that I don't believe in casual sex, and that in and of itself weeded a lot of men out. But there were always plenty who were fine with that. My husband preferred it and flat-out said that it would have totally changed his opinion of me if I'd been hopping into the sack with him right off the bat.
I think the trick is to learn from all these experiences, without getting jaded by them, or becoming perceptibly defensive as a result of them. You have to be able to approach each new connection from square one, so you're not treating him with suspicion just because the last four turned out to be buttheads.
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| 4/20/2008 12:55:42 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
hph1478
Lakeside, CA
age: 30
| Thanks. I only began doing this in early March, so I guess I am new to the experience of having to tolerate the men who use this as an ongoing hook-up route rather than genuinely wanting to find the right person to settle down with. In that short period of time I learned how to weed out the people who belong in straight jackets and have alterior motives. I guess it's just a matter of being patient and as I phrased it previously, letting time do what time does. What is meant to be will be. 
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| 4/20/2008 1:00:52 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
carolinaguy71
Boca Raton, FL
age: 36
| I dont want a play toy or a trophy. What I do want is a woman that knows who she is, is confident in herself and her life. Someone that will be her own person, takes care of her body and her mind. Someone smart, caring and considerate and most of someone that has morals. Thats a hard thing to find in people and if I could meet someone that would work with me to make BOTH our lives better that would be wonderful. So no not every man wants a trophy or play toy.
Ron
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| 4/20/2008 1:01:13 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
katiescarlett72
Justin, TX
age: 35
| Absolutely! It helped me to try to look at dates as dress rehearsals. For one thing, it kept me from letting my expectations become unrealistic. And it kept me focused on getting something out of each date, even if it wasn't a love connection. I figured if I was practicing being a fun companion, an interesting conversationalist, etc, then all that would come in handy when I finally did meet the one that I really WANTED to impress. I rarely had really lousy dates. I had many where there was simply no connection or chemistry, but I could usually find *something* to enjoy.
And, after trying it off and on for about 3.5 years, it finally paid off; I met my new husband on POF. So it does work sometimes . Good luck!
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| 4/20/2008 1:25:41 AM | Why do almost all men seem to want either a play toy or a trophy girl? | |
bry11ca
Buellton, CA
age: 43
| HPH,
From a true CA gentleman whose children are right around the corner in Santee, although my lot is to travel the 4 corners (currently NY).
Miss Scarlett has it right.
As a music producer (Job #3) I can tell you that your "delivery" is cold and quite assumptious. Do you really want a man who can "see through" so much armor and armaments?
Try this as a starting line:
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I am a patient, self-assured Angel just waiting for love to strike. You'll know if I'm the ONE and I'll know if you're the ONE. ONE + ONE + GOD = True love. Are you the ONE?
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Do you see how strength & patience playon your side and how the gent needs to assert himself to receive the rewards of your love?
MY GOTH BAND IN LAKESIDE: THE ETERNAL UNBORN . . . . I know, my DH friends will freak if they know that the gentle green giant produces a Goth band . . .
hee hee  
Best wishes, Angel
Bry 
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