| 4/20/2008 1:23:29 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
zabava
West Hartford, CT
age: 40
| I've been dating this guy for over 3 months now.We meet practically every day, we introduced each other to our children and everything is great except for this dating site.He is having fun here by posting funny threads and posts and I understand this, but he also flirts here, which makes me feel as if I am a "temporary fix" while he is having some difficulties in his life and will move on as soon as his circumstances improve. I confronted him and he said that it is just a game, it is not real, and in his defense I would say that he flirts with women that are very far away. Still, it bothers me. If he didn't have his "hobby", I would have complete confidence in him, because otherwise he is a wonderful man , like a dream come true. He says he loves me. Yet he keeps flirting and a few days ago I found that he emailed to a woman that lives close by something like"Hi, I have 2 children, how old are your kids?" I asked him why he did it and he didn't have a clear answer for that... We laughed it off, I am not very confrontational... Don't like to argue.So, as I said before, it is hard to believe that such a man could keep flirting on dating sites, it looks like as if he has a split personality disorder. The good news is that he doesn't hide it, he doesn't volonteer information either, but so far we are trying to work on this problem, we talk, we discuss and some things are improving... for example, he stopped writing to them that he wishes he was there to give them a kiss.He just winks at them mostly...
So, what is his problem? Is it addiction? insecurity? or ...? 
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| 4/20/2008 2:09:21 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
fryyyy
North Kingstown, RI
age: 49
| If i got in a relationship, I'd want the window shopping to end too. Maybe your not on the same page as he is. Especially if he's still looking, when you think you have found something worth ALL your attention. I know people make friends, but i think at some point your loyalties should shift a bit towards the person who shares your life the most. If i get in a relationship I'd be saying bye bye to my single friends who i hope would wish me bon voyage... They would be friends still, but move towards the old friend category.. People who i would help in a crunch, love to run into, but would not actively seek out for companionship. Especially single friends of the opposite sex.
I don't blame you for having feelings on this issue. This is a dating site. Not where I'd want my other half of my relationship.. or myself if in a relationship, spending time meeting people. Or even deepening existing friendships. I'd have to ask myself.. why isn't this guy talking to me? Instead of these other people? Why isn't he spending his time with me, instead of people on a dating site.. What worries me, or would, is not that you should put your foot down and say NO MORE.. or CHOOSE.. me or DHU. but that he hasn't already made the choice himself. I don't know what kind of relationship you have, but it's not the kind that draws his whole being, the one where he cant see anyone but you. I hope it's not just a relationship of convenience. Just the fact you have an issue of him using a dating site with you in his life, .. why hasn't he fixed that issue? Where's your value in his ranking system? I"d be worried it's pretty damn low. Your feelings vs a few acquaintances on an internet dating site. There is also the possibility, very distinct one, he's still looking, he's still shopping. But for now, you'll do. Till something better comes along.
If i had a friend on here, who found a relationship with someone. I'd smile, wish them the best and wave goodbye. I'm not sure i'd expect to be sharing emails with them in the near future. Or if i did, it would be joint posts from a couple.. not an individual.
I don't know either of you, but it seems to me one of you might be getting used. I wouldnt progress beyond innocent friendship with this guy. But i think you already have.
Good luck i think your gonna need it.
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| 4/20/2008 2:54:56 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
nab5055
Medford, NJ
age: 43
| I have many friends here on DH that I talk to all of the time. I would not be so quick to give up my relationships with them, male and female. I have been dating someone off and on and I change my profile to say that I am in a relationship and I am not interested in dating, only friends.
I can understand your feelings of insecurity. I have been there too. If you push the issue too much, he may feel that you are trying to control his life and run in the other direction. I just did that with someone myself. I didn't meet him yet but he told me that I would have to take down my profile. I said no way......goodbye. I lived that life for too many years and I will never be controlled again. When the time is right, I will take down my profile and it will be my decision or I will make a joint one.
Guess it depends on how long you have been with him and if you trust him. If you don't have trust, there is no relationship. Good luck......
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| 4/20/2008 6:43:21 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
ariesera
Roswell, NM
age: 58
| I have been on most of the top dating sites on the internet and have met some very wonderful women. A few of them I have met in person and to date, each one I have met has moved on without me. About 15 years ago, I did meet a very special woman on a penpal website, long before dating websites became popular and ending up meeting and marrying her but divorced after being together for 12 years. Too many things have changed since those days of penpal websites. You have to keep your guard up at all times.
Often times, we fail to look for romance and companionship with our hearts. We live in a society of speed, instant everything, and throw caution to the wind. Long distant relationships develop instantly but very few actually become long term. DH is a great place to meet people and do a lot of flirting, but to make a connection with someone that you would marry is very rare. I just ended a relationship with such a woman after a year but have no regrets. The love was real and the bond was mutual, but being a long distance relationship (although only 200 miles), there was never enough time spent as a couple during our free time.
We all want to love and be loved in our lives, but we must learn to listen to what our heart wants and needs. Set aside the physical attractions. Look very closely to what you may or may not have with that person you find. Reach deep in your heart and soul always for answers and most of all, TRUST!
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| 4/20/2008 6:51:38 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
whosyour51
Plymouth, IN
age: 57
| There has been good advise to your question. all the above are great. If it were me I would want the flirts to stop. Friends here and other sites would be different. But I would want my relationship to be mine. Hell with the shopping. best of luck to you.
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| 4/20/2008 6:57:08 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
starshadow
Carthage, TN
age: 34
| That is the whole thing about "dating" You are looking for the one person that will keep you interested, am I right? When commitment is in the works then I could understand someone being upset. You may need to ask him what he is looking for in this relationship, and you two evaluate the situation, the go from there.
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| 4/20/2008 7:07:47 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
zeanah
Clarion, PA
age: 49 online now!
| You play with fire, you get burned! If I met a man on a dating site that turned into a reltionship, I would not want him on the dating site after that. It is just common sense, that you are on here to find a partner, not to make friends. When I find someone, they would be priority and should be. He is disrespecting you by flirting and sending messages to other women.Why should you trust him? He has not earned it. Those that feel they must remain on a dating site after they find someone are truly not satisfied with their present choice or have issues of needing friends in cyber space. If he cannot give up DH, then there is a problem. You can be friends with people off the internet, call them or use email. Being on the site is an excuse to feed your need for attention.
Disrespect, speculation of his motives, trust issues, laughing it off, is not the answer to a good relationship. Moving on without needing DH, is a sign of maturity, trust and living in real life. Just my opinion, but as for me....I am gone once I find a partner. It is a matter of respect to me. Good Luck...I hope it turns out okay for you!
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| 4/20/2008 9:10:34 AM | need opinion from men and women | |
goodforfun51
Virginia Beach, VA
age: 53
| It appears that your "off the internet, kinda - relationship, gent (term used loosely), is entrapped in the greatest smorgasboard of women he has ever had in his life and NOT willing to give it up. The reason that he is NOT willing to give it up, is that he is continuing his search until HE finds Exactly what HE wants. He states that it's simple flirting. Yeah, to YOU is it that simple???
His continuing these flirtations, tells me, that you are a temporary fix to his continuing search for his EVER woman. IF he can even define to you who or what that being is. Sure, he will tell you that you are  (works to keep you around). But ARE YOU TRUELY? If YOU were, would HE REALLY be on here flirting, emailing OTHER women telling THEM he wishes HE could be THERE "Kissing THEM."
He is doing  to you. You are Going  and getting  while he keeps his  options way open. He needs a strongly stated  before he makes you really  of his bogus  while he is out  for other and in his opinion better women.
Good Luck with this Situation. 
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| 4/20/2008 12:33:32 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
winesong
Bend, OR
age: 88
| Only you know his real profile description...
does he say he has met someone and
is only in the forums for friends and giggles?
If his profile does not have a disclaimer...
I suggest he is still looking!
There are many couples on DH...so it does get confusing...
I think a couple picture is helpful...unless he does not want to
acknowledge that you are a part of his life...today.
Good luck..I think it may be temporary,
still looking on his part.
I think your inner flags are warning you...BE WARE.
Wine
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| 4/20/2008 3:43:26 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
soulcrazy
San Clemente, CA
age: 39
| WOW... I am with the man who was probably the biggest flirt on here! He would NEVER do anything that made me uncomfortable. He would respect me enough not to flirt with other women and I give him the same respect. The bottom line is that if cares for your feelings he wouldn't do it. Eric (Soultrynights) and I share this profile and even though he is not on here very much anymore we like to stop by and say hi to our friends but for f*cks sake... if he felt that I was on here doing something that hurt him in any kind of way I would be outta here in a second! He is my world! I would NEVER do ANYTHING to hurt him and I can say with 100% certainty that he feels the same about me.
Good luck with your situation!
~Cajun~
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| 4/20/2008 4:07:41 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
crimson_tide
Florence, AL
age: 32
| I would say if you love someone and are in a serious relationship, then you have no business on a dating site anymore, especially flirting with other people. If I found someone I would leave the dating site and the friends I had made here could stay in contact through emails (innocent ones). JMO I edited this to say I guess it dont bother some people though but I would imagine most it would.
[Edited 4/20/2008 4:08:40 PM]
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| 4/20/2008 4:09:43 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
dutchboy4u
Huntington Beach, CA
age: 45
| If I were in a committed relationship and my lady asked me to give up the site, I would in a heart beat. I'm here to find the one, once I find her I'm out of here anyways. I'll be spending my time with her instead of clicking here.
What ever his problem is, you should confront him on it. Just note he may respond positively or negatively. If he is still searching and currently just settling, he's going to leave you anyways. So he's wasting your time while you too can be looking for another match. On the other hand, if he is into you, he may be willing to see your side and give up the dating sites. Weigh the outcome of the various situations carefully, then act or live with your decision.
Hello CAJUN...Looks like you are beating the odds! Good for you guys! 
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| 4/20/2008 4:09:49 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
soulcrazy
San Clemente, CA
age: 39
| Good point Crimson... however, Soul and I are still 1200 miles apart at the moment. Once I make the move the first week of June I will be deleting our profile. It will be the beginning of the rest of our lives!
Al! Yep... we are gonna make it! Sorry to hear that others haven't been as successful. Its not perfect 24/7 but that just means its a REAL relationship! You can't grow if you don't ever have trials to overcome together!
[Edited 4/20/2008 4:11:37 PM]
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| 4/20/2008 4:11:34 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
crimson_tide
Florence, AL
age: 32
| Good luck you two!!! 
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| 4/20/2008 4:15:08 PM | need opinion from men and women | |
bella2020
Lebanon, OH
age: 47
| I most definatley agree with Crimson ,Your friends you have met could E-mail you, I don't think you should still be on a dating site that would be out of respect for both ppl.
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