newlife4me2
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 43
| Stylistic
Agreed that friends in and of themselves are not cheating. But when you begin to rely on your friends to support you in your challenges and crisis instead of your spouse, and when you start transfering your feelings from your spouse to your friend, and when you start putting time with your friend above time with your family, and when you would rather concentrate on building the relationship with your friend instead of trying to fix the relationship with your spouse - then you are indeed cheating. Adultery can take many shapes and forms and imo is not limited to the physical act of having sex.
Even psychologists are now acknowledging the existence of "emotional affairs" and have come to the consensus that they are more 'damaging' than physical ones. Having lived through this I completely agree.
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michael6967275
Columbia, MO
age: 47
| Hey Newlife,
That is dead-on exactly as you stated it. I couldn't have said it better.
I went out and found and then talked to her new guy "friend".It only took me 10 minutes to locate him in our small town.
He was in no condition to lie to me since I know that I could get him fired from his high paying job in days should our consevative little town find out that he is married and also dating my wife.
He admitted to being in love with her and that they are not "just friends".
So he was much more honest than my wife has been to me.
I actually liked the guy and in the end wished them both good luck and I really meant it.
I am not really bitter at all. I just like honesty. I would have liked to have been introduced weeks or months ago and by now I could be past it and dating someone myself!
I now have less concern about everything since there was so much deceit involved, I could not have saved my marriage by myself.
Any wrong I did was minor compared to what was done to me.
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katrina_sq
Mena, AR
age: 39
| I am very honest about what happened, including what I did to contribute to it.
I think you definitely have to recognize and admit what you did so you can move foreward and learn from it. I did not put enough into out marriage after my kids were born, and that was partially to blame for us drifting apart and him losing feelings for me. Of course, he made me feel as if I was the least important person to him and put everyone and anyone ahead of me right from the start, so I just didn't feel like working on our relationship all the time. I allowed way too much right from the start. I did, however, try for years to make things work, but it was too late.
He wisely said after our divorce that we had a basic flaw in the way we interacted in general, which was accurate. There was no cheating or abuse, but apathy isn't a piece of cake either. Same feeling of being rejected. After moving 1400 miles for him and he still couldn't commit to wanting to work on things or to having a future with me, I finally filed for divorce, but I was still the one rejected.
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chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47
| I left both my marriages due to abuse. My fault for not seeing things that probably others saw but I was blind. Taking off the blinders is a good start.
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