| 4/24/2008 10:53:15 AM | single parents?? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| Two months is not very long. He may be taking a more cautious approach, similar to that of other people here.
After two months of at least weekly dating, I'd want to introduce my date and my kids to each other, but that's me.
If you feel comfortable, ask him, "At what point in a relationship do you introduce your son to the woman you are dating?"
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| 4/24/2008 11:16:26 AM | single parents?? | |
stacismom
Midland, MI
age: 47
| Thanks for the great advice! However, we actually see each other every Wednesday, Thursday and every other weekend (when he is doesn't have his son). I am just getting concerned that he may only think of me as his sex partner and not an actual girlfriend. I was hoping that we could integrate his son into our relationship so we could all do things together, rather than keeping me separate. Again, am I just really overthinking this and should just give him a little more time? I'm sure every guy is different and I respect the fact that he doesn't introduce every girl he dates to his son, but he has introduced girls to him that he has dated for less time.
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| 4/24/2008 11:27:41 AM | single parents?? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| but he has introduced girls to him that he has dated for less time
Then ask him about it.
It may be that he has introduced former dates too soon in the relationship with bad results when the relationship ended and is taking a more cautious approach. But, it is a worthwhile point of discussion since you don't know, and your concerns are legitimate.
On the matter of kids being disappointed when a relationship their parent has ends, this is normal, the parent is disappointed too! But, so long as the disappointment is not disproportionate -- "I thought you were getting married," or, "I wanted a whole family again," -- learning to deal with disappointment is a valuable lesson.
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| 4/24/2008 12:34:44 PM | single parents?? | |
stacismom
Midland, MI
age: 47
| I know communication is important in a relationship. And now you have given me, what I already had but didn't realize, the encouragement to discuss this with him. Thanks again! It was nice to get someone else's opinion on this. 
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| 4/24/2008 12:52:22 PM | single parents?? | |
tahoefreak64
South Lake Tahoe, CA
age: 44
| My son was exposed to one woman i dated and they got attached pretty good.It broke his heart when she left so I've been very apprehensive to have that happen again.
I have also tried not to meet any of my dates kids for the same reason.It's cool with me if a woman has children,I just think a little time to see if were gonna sustain the relationship before we get the kids involved.
The deal breaker is that a woman must at least be civil with "baby daddy"If not I'm gone
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| 4/24/2008 2:07:26 PM | single parents?? | |
southernbo62
Edmonton, AB
age: 46
| the 14 is old enough not the 7 i raised my little guy on my own the trick is not to bring the kids in till your sure i screwed up 6 or 7 times my son was in love with each one and every time id blow it good luck
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| 4/24/2008 2:15:49 PM | single parents?? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 47
| I haven't had that problem with my 7 year old son. He does not get attached that way. He is very attached to his mother, knows she loves him, and does not need to seek a surrogate "mommy".
I suppose if the "other parent" were absent from a child's life, it would be different, as they'd be seeking to have a "complete" family.
But, realise, that divorced families are far more common these days. Children from such families are not as "odd" as they once were.
Of course, how healthy, or unhealthy, your child's attachment to someone you are dating becomes, is something only you, as their parent, can gague.
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| 4/24/2008 2:33:14 PM | single parents?? | |
theironmandan1
Port Saint Lucie, FL
age: 39
| children should be a part of your dating ,yes, your child will be apart of your family your entire life, if your future mate and your child can not get along , well they might not be there long, better to find out early, my 12yr old daughter knows my friends and my girl friends, she talks to me about her likes and dislikes in them all, I believe it has made her stronger in life, and helped me figuare out what would be actully a benefishal in my life. getting laid thats easy, finding a mate thats some work
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| 4/24/2008 2:48:15 PM | single parents?? | |
classicsfan
Charlottetown, PE
age: 51
| When my kids were younger, they're all on their own now, it was a matter of degree. If I was seeing a women, there would come a time when we would do things together - perhaps both families. I would only have "sleepovers" when they were at their mother's or a friend's. It was only when a women and I made a decision to move in together that she started staying over when the kids were there.
If they had been older, or if I had them full time, perhaps things would have been different.
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| 4/24/2008 4:01:19 PM | single parents?? | |
raven01
Lumberton, TX
age: 45
| Just my opinion...take it or leave it. That's up to you?????
Be upfront and honest with the other person. Depending of course on how well you feel you know that person....as to giving their names and ages. But let the other one know how you feel about them meeting the kids at this point in your relationship. Because you don't want them in the middle of getting to know them and discovering how things will progress between ya'll.
I don't allow men to meet my son or be around my son until I know them for a while. Don't allow this because I don't want my son involved in the dating game. If he likes someone and things don't work out...he gets hurt. I also wont take a chance that the person I'm meeting will harm my child in ANY way. NOT worth taking that chance for ANYONE.
After I get to know the other person for a while...then and only then....will he be allowed to met the man. Then we go from there as to how my son likes this person if/and/or at that point. Decide whether to continue dating them or not. My son is a part of the package deal when being with me. So...I do believe he has a say in who I continue seeing and possible marry or just live with down the line.
I have however meet a couple of people that I didn't follow my own rules for....luckily these men were nice people. But all the same...it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it.
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| 4/29/2008 6:48:52 AM | single parents?? | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 47
| thank you all for your input! maybe it will help a few of us? or more to the point our kids...
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| 4/29/2008 6:56:36 AM | single parents?? | |
strangeduck
Philadelphia, PA
age: 46
| I am definitely "old school". I would not introduce my son (who is of adult age -- a college studen) unless I know the relationship is going somewhere and this person will start to become a part of my life. I might be intimate with the person but more than likely my son will not know because like most young men his age, he is out and about with his friends. And it is not a relationship I will discuss with me son until I am sure there is something there other than casual sex. Also, I think the gentleman will have more respect if I treat the friendship/relationship with respect.
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| 4/29/2008 7:02:38 AM | single parents?? | |
blueyedbobbie
Poultney, VT
age: 37
| i personally choose to not involve my children in my dating. i will only introduce my boys to someone if i am confident i will be continually seeing that person. i don't think they need the confusion of seeing different men.
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| 4/29/2008 7:40:19 AM | single parents?? | |
me4aminute_1
Rutland, IA
age: 35
| This is my situation and not sure it is right, but her goes. When my first daughter was born I had been alone since I was 3mths pregnant after being with someone for 7yrs. I didn't date at all for 6yrs and I think that really hurt her in the long run when I really thought I was protecting her. When I did find a great friend that turned into more than friends she had a very hard time handling sharing me with anyone after a couple months when I realized he was going to be in my life for awhile. Things with him were great, but the messing with them was not. The relationship fell apart because of this situation. It is a fact that if your kids to mess with the other person the relationship is going to have some strain. I don't think you kids need to be there or meet on the first date.........but when you feel the relationship is moving forward and looking to have a future you need to introduce them.........because getting your heart involved with someone that won't fit in is hard. I have been divorced over a year and have not went on a date with anyone..........maybe I am falling in the same cycle as before, but am not so sure it is the right thing.
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| 4/29/2008 7:42:04 AM | single parents?? | |
ptriley
Staten Island, NY
age: 47
| Jmo,
i'f you are dating (not one night stands)Then everything should be upfront.For you her and the kids.They have a say too.Ther'es no time limit.
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