| 4/23/2008 11:26:33 AM | single parents?? | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| ok I hope someone will talk to me on this I wanna know other opinions.
being a dad of two boys I have the delema, I meet a women and hold off on her meeting the kids til I am sure that I really like her. now I have to hope that three of us can really like her? or just lay it all on the line to start with, and then let my kids go through posibley meeting many women?
please disregard poor spelling, I know it too.... 
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| 4/23/2008 11:33:47 AM | single parents?? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 46 online now!
| My kids know I date, they know I don't date frivolously, and they know that when a man and woman have been dating for a while, they may start to have a more intimate relationship. Of course they are 7, and 14, have a mother, and won't mistake a date for a surrogate "mom".
I think that is a healthy introduction to normal human behavior.
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| 4/23/2008 11:42:22 AM | single parents?? | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| are you saying that your kids are part of the dating game from the start?
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| 4/23/2008 11:43:46 AM | single parents?? | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| BTY looks like single parents are not a very good subject. lol
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| 4/23/2008 12:01:58 PM | single parents?? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 46 online now!
| are you saying that your kids are part of the dating game from the start?
They know that I date, and when I start and stop dating someone new. They might see a picture of who I date before they meet them.
If it looks like the relationship has potential, say after six dates or so, they will likely meet the woman I am dating.
My kids have been present when I've had "sleepovers", and I've "slept over" at the home of someone I've been dating when her kids have been present. They've seen me yield my bed to a date that's too tired to go home (with me sleeping on the couch), and they've seen me, and my date, retire behind the closed door of my bedroom. We have breakfast together in the morning.
The point is that they've seen the progression of dating, bonding, and mating (well, by inference of what goes on behind closed doors) behavior. I think this is healthy. They have not gotten attached to any of my dates, never ask "when are you getting married", and they know that I am not intimate with someone new every other weekend -- but rather after quite some time. They know that I feel hurt when I stop seeing someone, and that I take time for myself before I see someone new.
In case someone wonders, the parenting plan I have with their mother allows for this. It was her idea.
I prefer to date single moms -- having kids of their own makes it easier to understand the issues I have with mine.
I take a "friends first" approach to dating, and often a "date" will include both sets of kids in a non-romantic setting: spending time in a park, or taking a day trip somewhere.
Most kids born into an established, stable, family setting never see the whole "finding a partner" process, with all its steps, and discover it for themselves in adolescence -- they just see the "end game" of it when growing up. I think it is far more educational for them to see how people get closer over time, how fast (or slow) this happens, and the many ways that love is expressed.
I would think that I set a great example for my daughter, who sees that no, not all men seek to bed a woman quickly, that she does not (when she is old enough) have to trade sex to get love. My son is a little too young to understand, but when he is older, he will remember how I behaved "when dating".
Schools may teach the mechanics of "sex ed". But I think they fail to illustrate the nature of intimacy, and how it comes about in healthy relationships.
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| 4/23/2008 12:06:55 PM | single parents?? | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| good inpute thanx.
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| 4/23/2008 12:17:46 PM | single parents?? | |
oldeschoolcharm
Monroe, WA
age: 46 online now!
| You're welcome.
Do realize that many will disagree with my approach, and many parenting plans explicitly disallow exposure of children to romantic interactions of their now-single parents. Mine doesn't.
From a woman's perspective it is a different story: women have greater reason to fear for their safety, and the safety of their children.
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| 4/23/2008 4:29:51 PM | single parents?? | |
ilovcole
Port Richey, FL
age: 27
| I personally keep my dating life and my son completely separate. I made the mistake once to let him meet someone I dated. Then he dumped me out of nowhere and I had to explain why he wasnt going to be coming over anymore. The disappointment on my sons face broke my heart. Unless I feel marriage is in the works, I will not let anyone meet him. I know its hard when you are dating someone, you want to be around them all the time. Think of your kids first and your love life second. Nobody is going to love you like your child.
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| 4/23/2008 4:42:32 PM | single parents?? | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| Ilov, I went through the same deal but with two kids. it really sucks looking at their faces and telling them we are not gonna see her anymore. will prob remember the looks they gave for ever. I was really hoping for more replies, this is the one thing that really bugs or bugged me about the dating. my kids are now 9yrs older then when that happened to me or us. so I do not think it would be so hard on them now. but there are many single parents out there that could get something from this thread..
or I thought they would anyway..
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| 4/23/2008 4:43:36 PM | single parents?? | |
harley9482
Fort Wayne, IN
age: 25
| my stepbrother and my second elder sister are single parents, and it's give and take
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| 4/23/2008 4:47:32 PM | single parents?? | |
heyppl
Saint Louis, MO
age: 27
| I am a single parent to and I don't let my kid meet them until I am sure that he is the one. But he knows that mommy has friends that she talks to and he understands. So don't let here meet the kids until you are positive she is the one. It causes less heartbreak for you and the kids. That heartbreak is no fun. Kids don't forget anything.
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| 4/23/2008 4:53:46 PM | single parents?? | |
gr8stwoman
Napa, CA
age: 41
| Your childrens ages are a factor. I had the same experience as ilovcole when my daughter was young, except that I found out some ugly things about the guy I was dating and dumped him immediately. My daughter was heartbroken; I learned from that experience and waited until she was MUCH older to think about getting serious about anyone.
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| 4/23/2008 6:45:16 PM | single parents?? | |
mommaloma
Searcy, AR
age: 34
| I agree with oldschool's parenting plan. I have not had to deal with these issues yet, as I am very new to the dating scene again, but it sounds like a good way to show your children how to date.
Oldschool has the right idea about "unromantic dates" with the kids in tow. When two single parents date, it is a good way to get to know each other's parenting styles and values. Parenting styles and values are a big part of a marital relationship, so of course you'll need to know that before taking a relationship to the next level.
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| 4/23/2008 6:58:42 PM | single parents?? | |
happily47
New Middletown, OH
age: 48
| My child is 13. I honestly think that they are getting mixed signals regarding post divorce dating. Personally, I do not introduce them to anyone unless I have dated them for about 2 months. My x on the other hand, introduces them and sleeps with the woman on the same first meeting.
My response to my child is that life will bring us many choices. Her dad is an adult and entitled to manage his own life as he sees fit. My responsibility is to show them that I respect both myself and them and do not practice the same behavior as their dad. His behavior is usually equated to him smoking. They hate smoking and realized that when they are older, they too will have choices.
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| 4/24/2008 8:26:22 AM | single parents?? | |
stacismom
Midland, MI
age: 47
| Okay, can I put a little twist on this one? I have been dating a younger man, who has an 11-year old son, for two months (my children are grown). I have not met his son yet. He has met my children, however. Should I be concerned that he is not taking our relationship serious or do I just give him a little more time? 
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