| 4/24/2008 8:04:34 PM | He's too good to be true | |
wileyguy
Wilkes Barre, PA
age: 37 online now!
| i agree with uh huh
we all need to remember,maybe not a good match but we want to investigate.sometimes things aren't as they seem and sometimes they are.it's always a roll of the dice.even in a relationship,after years you can grow apart.
if things are meant to be they will but we're all looking for a needle in a haystack.online or off,you'll still only get out of it what you put into it.i wont shortchange myself.what good would that do.give 100% and let the chips fall where they will.
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| 4/24/2008 8:12:05 PM | He's too good to be true | |
th6231
Point Pleasant Beach, NJ
age: 61
| Sorry to hear another sad story about a meeting that went nowhere. No matter where you go or who you meet, the chances are 50/50 as to a successful relationship developing. I never even try to meet anyone on this or anyother site. It is not my style !! I enjoy reading and writing to the questions--but that is it. I don't know why the men you have met are such inane drones--but you are not alone--millions of other men and women are just as disappointed--night after night---date after date.
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| 4/24/2008 8:59:25 PM | He's too good to be true | |
bellisle17
De Pere, WI
age: 28
| you just need to weed through all those a holes and you'll find the right guy. Being a nice guy myself i find it even harder nowadays just to find a nice woman. Guess i just have bad luck or going after the wrong women. Also when i'm on dates I just be myself.
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| 4/24/2008 9:43:01 PM | He's too good to be true | |
fryyyy
North Kingstown, RI
age: 49
| I think every person is unique and an individual, I don't think all men and all women are alike. I do think that there is a good chance a lot of the good ones are all tied up in relationships at the moment.. but .. i think there still might be a few free floaters out there that made a mistake or two.. learned from it.. and are probably pretty decent people.
I think if you find yourself stuck in a revolving door.. with relationships.. that you should stop and try to figure out what your doing exactly the same.. every time.. to attract the same type of guy every time. I think the mistakes are all yours. I dont mean that in a bad way.. I just mean if your tired of the revolving door.. you need to self assess and change something. Cant really blame the guy.. for being who he is.. that's who he is.. what you need to fix.. is your ability to recognize him .. and filter him out.. to not fool yourself again.. and again.. and again.. etc.. In the end.. it was YOUR choice to give your heart to someone, YOUR choice to risk all that pain.
I think the best motivator for true change.. is pain. I think it's just an instinctive thing.. that when you put your hand in the fire.. you get burned.. your brain decides NOT to put the hand in the fire again. I think the pain helps make that a final type decision. I think yo8u should use the pain from one of these failed relationships to try to change. So you can get out of that revolving door.
I think you should start by avoiding any kind of (more than friends) relationship for a while.. till your happy just being alone.. and being yourself.. (i think it's better to be alone.. than feel alone) That might take a bit of work.. finding new things to do that make you smile.. learning not to dwell on stuff that makes you sad or worried etc. Friends are ok.. but try not to burden them.. they are great for crisis.. but i think you hurt your friendship and friends if you use them as a crutch. I think you should avoid drugs and booze too. I think you should go to the library.. and get a few books.. some on relationships.. some on divorce, mabye one on human sexuality.. stuff like that.. I think you need to firstly accept the fact there is something wrong with your past decision making process when it comes to men and relationships. Try to find solutions and idea's in these books to understand yourself.. why are you weak.. where are you weak.. why are you getting hurt. I think you need to know yourself, and you need to know the guy your with.. both of you .. pretty good. I think reading books like that can open your eye's a bit.
I'm pretty sure there are good reasons.. and some bad reasons.. to enter into a relationship. I think the books will spell out a few of these things.. stuff for you to ponder.. and work on in your life. Its an investment of your time and energy.. but i think it can have a huge payoff..
I think it's hard to get used.. if you got your eye's open and know what kind of things to look for. I think some people instinctively sense something wrong.. and i think others of us fool ourselves into thinking everything is fine. I think you have to think not only for yourself.. but the guy too.. Is he there for the right reasons.. as well as you? Myself i just knew i never wanted to go thru another failed marriage. I read the books. I'll take whatever help i can get.
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| 4/24/2008 10:10:40 PM | He's too good to be true | |
heelandtoe2008
Cromwell, CT
age: 45
| Although sillyme1961's post was a little too harsh in light of brownibeauty32's original post, it did strike a chord. Growing up, I was that archetypical nice guy with the wet shoulder and open Saturday night.
A change seemed necessary, since more interest would certainly be required for sifting through the chaff to find that elusive match. So, I eventually donned a cloak, of sorts, to get more interest. My cloak included acting "bad" and being less "giving". I have to say it worked to a point. I had plenty of dates and relatively short-term relationships, but not a single gem.
Eventually, one happened along that seemed close enough, so I settled. She was as nice on the outside as I still felt on the inside. Unfortunately, despite her heroic efforts to hide it, it turned out that she was even less nice on the inside than I was on the outside. Bizarre? I think not. While women have an effect on men by generally under-valuing empathy, men have a similar effect on women by generally over-valuing the same trait. Thus, I actually got what I was asking for with my external cloak -- the same one I had foolishly worn to improve the odds.
Well, that's finally over and I'm not dead yet, so my next task should be relatively easy. All I have to do is unlearn a lifetime of adaptation for dates in order to find someone who's truly good. Too late? Probably, but it's still worth a try. The moral, I think, is that you have to REALLY be yourself in order to find a good match, as opposed to finding just another date. Am I wrong?
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| 4/25/2008 12:24:53 AM | He's too good to be true | |
mosplace
Boulder City, NV
age: 47
| maybe kissed him to much? wait new forum!!! look for it
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| 4/25/2008 10:41:21 AM | He's too good to be true | |
brownibeauty32
Collegeville, PA
age: 32
| U guys and gals have given some good advice. I'm not bashing the male species, but I guess I'm just a little pissed off at myself for falling for his line of bs that he fed me, which was alot and I found out that he lied about quite a few thins that he posted in his profile. He made himself out to be this wounderful man, and what really gets me is that he said, "If things don't work out, you'll always have a friend" Which I was cool with. Plus this is the first time in my life that I have done this online dating, and my first experience was shitty. Don't u think I should have atleast gotten an email saying I had fun, but I don't think it will work out, but we can be friends if you want. Anything even a F*** you would off satisfyed me. Look all I am saying is that he shouldn't have made it seem like things were good between us the last time that I was with him, if he knew that he wasn't going to talk to me again. I guess online dating is a gambel, u just don't know what ur going to get.
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| 4/25/2008 10:43:49 AM | He's too good to be true | |
mmmbaby75
Aurora, CO
age: 33
| Dutchboy, I agree....
YOU HAVE TO KISS A LOT OF FROGS.
I think I'm up to at least a hundred by now....and that's just from DH!!!
Don't give up, I'm not. And I'm a frog myself!!!
You'll be alright.
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| 4/27/2008 7:31:10 AM | He's too good to be true | |
sillyme61
Portage, MI
age: 47
| First of all .... it was not my intention to cause the negativity or the woman/man bashing that came about from my post! 
What lead me to this thinking was when a man explains what happened in their past relationships and explain what they are going to do in the future to prevent women from walking all over them in the future they are considered "A VERY BITTER MAN"?
Is it not bitterness when a woman explains her failures in a relationship....I WONDER....Maybe its because their the reason why their past relationships failed and they are just too blind to recognize their dysfunction or the way they treated their relationship......BUT we're BITTER!
And before I get bashed for that statement let me explain it.
There are MEN out there that just want one thing (I'd be naive to think otherwise).....So women are afraid of the real thing and pretty much push someone away that treats them that way. MEN have those same feelings and beliefs TOOOOOOOOOO!
I really can't understand why a man would want to be the nice guy....because sooner or later they eventually get crapped on! GLUTTONs for punishment...I guess because I'm not changing...cause I will continue to be the man that is referred to as "TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE" for the ladies that want that!
I happen to believe also that We "AS MEN TO GOOD TO BE TRUE" will not finish last and sooner or later will find a woman to acknowledge that!
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| 4/27/2008 7:37:00 AM | He's too good to be true | |
flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46
| thor22 I don't know you and therefore I wouldn't comment about you............cheers.
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| 4/27/2008 9:40:06 AM | He's too good to be true | |
selenah
Taunton, MA
age: 50
| brownibeauty -The same thing recently happened to me. I had started dating a guy I met on-line, things were going great, tons of stuff in common, we found each other attractive--the whole 9 yards. We had 4 awesome dates, several long phone converations before we met, and I got phone calls from him between dates. I had even said to myself this guy is "too good to be true"... Then he wasn't calling me during the week to make weekend plans...and was calling me on the weekend (on a Sunday) to meet him in "a few hours " I can be spontaneous so did this ONCE , met him for dinner, that was our last date, and didn't hear from him until a few weeks later . I was getting ready to go on a business trip in 2 days and he called and said he was still interested , wanted to see me that day ,told him I couldn't do it as I was busy packing he understood and he said he couldn't wait to see me when I returned, and to call him while I was away. Being a woman of my word I called him twice, left voice mail on his cell ...and NOTHING... So...even though this really sucked for a while ... trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong???  (NOTHING!!!)I gave up and took the advice fron the book by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo "He's just not that into you". 
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| 4/27/2008 9:45:10 AM | He's too good to be true | |
bethlett
Spokane, WA
age: 89
| If someone is telling you "everything you want to hear", you pretty much can be sure they are lying.
If you met someone online, and they still spend a bunch of time online after you start dating? They are either addicted or still looking....
Internet is not the best place to meet someone from. It should be a last resort, not a first resort, and definately not an ONLY resort...
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| 4/27/2008 9:52:59 AM | He's too good to be true | |
wino631
Huntington, NY
age: 53
| If you're falling for the same shit, weither on line or not. I think it says something about the type of men you're attracted to..??????
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| 4/27/2008 10:43:17 AM | He's too good to be true | |
sillyme61
Portage, MI
age: 47
| ditto....wino!
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| 4/27/2008 11:18:03 AM | He's too good to be true | |
pichick712
Brookhaven, PA
age: 50
| I have found that the men on here ARE too good to be true. I have only found players, liars, and scum with very few men as the exception but they live too far away to have a relationship with.
Where are the HONEST and SINCERE men?????
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