snshl2b1
Atlanta, GA
age: 47
| rounding middle age we've all been there, done that. many of us have had significant long-term relationships and learned valuable life lessons on our journeys. i'm curious how people have changed throughout their adult lives.
how have your values changed since your teens and twenties?
and how has this influenced what you look for in a potential partner?
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forever2
Victoria
Australia
age: 47
| my changes have happened like this dont ask too many questions dont put up with crapp guys dont be untrusting in a new relationship just because Ive been hurt before doesnt mean this guy is going to do the same thing still have your inderpendents still have your own money still keep your honesty be more affectionate be considerate of your new partners feelings wants and needs give him space 
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sumbeach777
Red Springs, NC
age: 45
| Im the same as I have always been , but now I have children, all else is the same.
Beach
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snshl2b1
Atlanta, GA
age: 47
| i thought i had the formula for a successful relationship. i'd had some good relationships before i eventually settled down, had kids and got married. i had learned not to get too swept up in a pretty face, and allow a person's inner beauty to shine through. i thought if i ended up with someone who really loved me and with whom i had a lot in common, that would be a good basis on which to build a relationship. my wife and i were together for 15 years. we really loved one another, and we had so much in common. but things fell apart.
i realize now that even though we had much in common, our values were not in line. we're both kind, loving, generous and affectionate, basically good people. but there were some very basic aspects of our value systems that didn't jive. i was raised by very conservative, judgmental and practical parents. she was raised by a free-spirited, care-free disorganized mom. her upbringing valued spontaneity, creativity and emotional expression, mine commitment, personal responsibility and self-discipline. when we started having problems, my ex couldn't manage to honor her commitments to our marriage and i wasn't forgiving enough to give her the flexibility she needed to be happy.
i'm not nearly as concerned with what interests i have in common with a potential partner now. i'm much more tuned into our core values. how do you treat people? are you kind to strangers? do you revere your elders? do you like to play with children? how materialistic are you? do you appreciate the simple things in life? how to you handle commitment? can you get beyond your own self-interests and find compassion and empathy? when two people fall in love, they will naturally share their interests and be drawn towards each other. if you're in love, you will want to spend time together and find things you both enjoy. our chore values are developed in our early childhoods from our family or origin. when you experience conflicts in relationship, you can't just decide to realign your values systems. it is difficult to change them later in life. it takes a lot of soul searching and dedication.
i'm looking for someone to love who loves me for who i truly am, and with whom my chore values are compatible and complementary. i'm not really sure how to determine my own nor anyone else's values let alone their complementarity, but i guess that's one of the things people mean when they say relationships take a lot of work.
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firstlight
Strasburg, VA
age: 48
| One of the biggest changes I have made in my life involve striving for a healthier mind and body. I began this process five years ago and have quit drinking, smoking, and cut many of my once favorite junk foods from my diet. I have been getting regular exercise and strive for at least 6-7 hours of sleep per night. My biggest hurdle has been to ignore the stupid and ignorant people that touch my life on occasion. Smile and walk away.
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braska1959
Farmland, IN
age: 48
| I got married right out of high school at the age of 18, had my first child at 20, and second at 27, and yes the same father. Divorced at 30. Traveled for a few years I wouldn't change that. Settled in Arizona for 8 years, wouldn't change that either. What I learned, to many things to list. I'm 48 now and living back in Indiana and having the time of my life.
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foxy_woman_49
Omaha, NE
age: 50
| WoW snshl2b1 a man who doesn't knock down his X. You are very unique. I like that.
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