| 4/27/2008 5:17:35 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | | 
rocket000
Murrayville, GA
age: 50
| If someone has read my profile and emails a sincere note, I make the effort to reply. In the cases where I have no interest romantically and have nothing in common, I simply write:
Thanks for reading my profile and taking the time to write. I've read your profile and don't see the connection or the chemistry is not there for me. I wish you much success in finding a great lady. Regards, Rocket
I do this because people generally want to be acknowledged.
This reply illicits one of the following:
a. no additional reply, which is fine. They know I received their email, read their profile and have not wasted their time or mine.
b. they "thank" me for replying and wish me luck, which I consider thoughtful.
c. they feel the need to write back an array of obnoxious statements such as "you must be a stuck up snob, I must have a problem, etc.....
d. "why" am I not interested?
I'd like to focus on replies c and d.
The "c's"- their rude and unnecessary replies speak volumes about them and not in a positive way.
The "d's"- Shouldn't they just "move on"? The net result is still the same. We're not interested.
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| 4/27/2008 5:30:52 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
rocket000
Murrayville, GA
age: 50
| I'm just amazed at how toxic and mean spirited people can be. The other day a nice enough man from OK wrote and he said,
"we probably aren't a match but...."
I wrote back and said his assessment was correct but he seemed like a nice man and I wished him luck. He felt the need to ask me "WHY I didn't think we were a match". I paused because anything I replied might appear to be hurtful which is not my intent. He kept pushing. I didn't find him physically appealing, there was a wide gap in our levels of education, etc........
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| 4/27/2008 5:47:00 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
drumrman
Belmont, MA
age: 43
| rocket . i've had women not reply to an email i've sent. is it disprespectful? i think so, but, what r u gonna do? just move on. 
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| 4/27/2008 6:04:28 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
joss70
Lexington, VA
age: 29
| This is so true, I try to write and say thanks and all that too...
The crazy thing is that I have had people write me after reading a reply to a thread, being upset that I wouldn't want to date them. LIKE I picked them out of all 50 people on that thread and zero in on them how strange...
My answers are most always general!!!!
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| 4/27/2008 6:10:07 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
trustme086again
Radcliff, KY
age: 37
| Rocket, a polite reply from you and from "them" is always nice.....but if it seems to turn ugly.....SILENCE is normally louder than words! Just my opinion
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| 4/27/2008 6:11:06 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
nicksterdemus
Little Rock, AR
age: 51
| I would detoxify.
"I'd like to focus on replies c and d."
Naturally, I'm curious why you're obsessed w/negative replies and wish to focus on them.
Why didn't you focus on a and b, allowing your observation to end on a positive note?
"You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative"...
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| 4/27/2008 6:20:20 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
joss70
Lexington, VA
age: 29
| I agree, I will say yes I try to focus on those too, it is a nice warm fuzzy feeling to have a nice response, this is like a little strange community we need to keep it full of kindness.
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| 4/27/2008 6:23:07 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 42 online now!
| Freedom of choice. We all have it and we all exercise it in a myriad of ways. Manners is a learned skill that most do not possess. Rocket I commend you for your honesty and good manners. Net dating etiquette sounds like a wide open industry that could use someone, such as yourself, to lead by example.
OP I'm waiting for my "Sorry, but we're incompatible in the following ways:" e-mail 
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| 4/27/2008 7:38:02 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
rocket000
Murrayville, GA
age: 50
| Yes, I agree with the thought, "focus on the positive". I try to reply to people in a positive and respectful way.
I don't know why certain people feel the need to be so toxic. It's just so disappointing to open an email and have a bunch of cruel, filth spewed in your direction. I understand that these are the people who have serious "issues" and have not taken advantage of the therapy and medication that are available to them. It's disturbing just the same.
George, when the recipient of the email is not interested it doesn't really "matter" what the reason(s). The net result is still the same. They are not interested. Now when the initiator of contact presses for a reason(s) they may not like the reply no matter how gently it's stated.
Of course I've no doubt you have made many friends on this site as I've read some of your posts and your gentlemanly demeanor and thoughtful responses will be appreciated by women of quality(we won't waste our time on the women who don't possess that attribute).
[Edited 4/27/2008 7:57:18 AM]
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| 4/27/2008 8:08:35 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45
| well Rocket my dear, you know that I have "suffered" this issue as well, and posted on it. I am always amazed by it...especially as it seems to follow closely on the heels of "where have all the decent women gone?" LOL! We're here, we're just becoming weary of the crapola?
The negativity exists, Nick, whether we want it to do so or not, and it's a hard thing to handle when someone is bothered by your honesty and makes an attack out of nothing. I realize men handle this far better than women do, most women tend to be empathetic and caring, with little desire to offend or harm.
On the counter point it is also bothersome when someone makes love out of nothing at all (hmmm sounds like a song?) and becomes a problem.
I think OP that you're handling it wonderfully, and I hope the amount of angry and violent emails do dwindle.
I also think it's lovely that Dustin has added the new feature on our email reply form that allows us to "FLAG" the email we receive as being a fake, a scammer, or un-necessarily crude or disgusting. I just noted this addition and hope I recall it is there to use the next time this occurs.
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| 4/27/2008 8:10:54 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46
| rocket just delete them all.....................
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| 4/27/2008 8:17:43 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
bethlett
Spokane, WA
age: 89
| Well, here is a novel thought....
First send out your polite rejection. Now you've fulfilled your obligations as a thoughtful, considerate woman.
If they mail back and ask why? TELL THEM. If you feel like taking the time, that is. No holds barred, TELL THEM. "Well, its because your main pic shows 3" nose hair not to mention that one black tooth in the front. Sorry, can't get past that."...obviously they would not be asking "why" unless they actually wanted some valid feedback, right? Yup, thats what I'm thinkin'.
If they mail back and get nasty, copy BOTH your email and theirs to the "tell Dustin this person is a jerk" thing...
God.
Now I have to stop sending out all those unsolicited emails telling people what mercenary morons they are. Damn. There goes ALL my fun!
 
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| 4/27/2008 8:19:13 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
hotdoggy13
Nazareth, PA
age: 49
| woo hoo!!! b*tchen overalls 
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| 4/27/2008 8:23:24 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
nicksterdemus
Little Rock, AR
age: 51
| " I understand that these are the people who have serious "issues" and have not taken advantage of the therapy and medication that are available to them."
Good for you.
Now, why are you calling attention to these medication deficient, issue challenged individuals?
Are you attempting to bait them into the forum or do ya want more of the same e-mail?
"your gentlemanly demeanor and thoughtful responses will be appreciated by women of quality(we won't waste our time on the women who don't possess that attribute)."
You wish your women to be gentlemen?
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| 4/27/2008 8:23:52 AM | When you've no interest,politely say so but the person becomes toxic | |
pwin_here_n_now
Annapolis, MD
age: 39
| Rocket:
I have been there myself... And I too, try to respond to everyone - sometimes it may take me awhile, especially if the email is detailed and I need to work through it, and their profile.
As far as the toxic replies, rarely do I answer, beyond "In your choice to display rude behavior, you just managed to get yourself blocked!" hit send then block them. Tho often times I am silent, and just block them....
As to why - I chaulk it up to a person showing their real self.... And if a person is so sensitive to rejection then I know that person and I wouldn't have a chance together for a healthy relationship..... And I am just not going there!
Sense of humor Lady! Be thankful the true colors are being thrown in your face!
Peace!
P.Win
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