A signal, or my imagination?

4/30/2008 10:13:13 AM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	So, I'm at my usual hangout playing pool. An attractive woman comes in: a regular who caught my eye a while back (and a great pool player). A couple months ago, I "fished" as to why "her guy" did not take her out (It was Valentine's day), and she replied, "Oh, we'll do that tomorrow." Oh well. Sunday, she asked me how I was doing, and I responded "O.K. Broke up with my girlfriend." She responds, "I stay single. Date several, but none seriously." I don't think much of it. She gets hit on a lot. Manages to "sucker" a drink out of a guy, and the second he tests the waters with an "innocent, but not really" touch, she bolts away, coldly. Real cold fish, actually: never even gave an inviting smile to suggest interest to begin with. But, men will try anyway. And, women will get free drinks. I tease her, "So, trolling the bar for drinks?" She responds, "Naw. I just stand here, fools buy me drinks, try to get fresh, and I tell 'em I have a boyfriend." Last night, first person she approaches when she enters is me, and we exchange pleasantries. As I was leaving, I say my goodbyes to her and her friend. Her friend, as is her custom, hugs me in a friendly manner. Then, much to my surprise, so does she! Still, no big deal -- it's a "huggy/kissy" kind of crowd -- means nothing. But, she whispers in my ear, "Good night, sweetheart." (She wasn't drunk in the least -- most of us who play pool drink very little.) So, is this a casual use of a term of endearment (I do not call people "sweetheart", "honey", "darling", etc., unless I am seriously dating them, but many do), or some kind of signal? If it wasn't my usual hangout, and she wasn't friends with some of my friends, I'dve asked her out then and there, point blank. Heck, I'dve asked her when she noted she was single (yeah, I was still a bit brokenhearted, but sometimes you have to strike while the iron is hot). But, I want to avoid embarassment due to a misunderstanding all around. What's the DH "take" on this? Nomally, I'dve responded to her "sweetheart" comment, with "Women who want the privelige of calling me 'sweetheart' have to kiss me passionately first," or something like that.
4/30/2008 10:20:37 AM	A signal, or my imagination?
jeremy_26 Great Falls, MT age: 26	I would think that she is testing the waters to see if there was similar feelings,instead of a pick up line I would just ask her out and see where it leads.I did like the line though. Nicely done old school.
4/30/2008 10:26:03 AM	A signal, or my imagination?
ge0ge0 Tallahassee, FL age: 42 online now!	It's a bar. objects hitting on you appear closer than what they really are.
4/30/2008 11:07:36 AM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	If she were a complete stranger, ge0ge0, I'd agree. But she's one of the regular pool-playing crowd. I dunno. Maybe she's just being friendly becase I'm not a pig, and, over the months, she's come to see this. I just think that the next time I see her, I'll complement her on her looks in a "slightly out of character for me and a bit cheesily over the top" way, like, "That's right: dress all hot so I can't concentrate on my game. If I lose this one, you owe me a date."
4/30/2008 11:48:57 AM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	I did like the line though. Hmm. I never considered a response to what someone says in a bar as a "pick up line", unless it is clearly flirtacious and the initial remark was obviously innocent. For example: "Excuse me, have you got the time?" with the response "Sure! Time to leave with me." I don't use terms of endearment lightly. I might say, at most, "Gee, you're such a sweetheart" if a young lady (say a waitress) does something nice and out of the ordinary for me. And, women have said it to me, that way. But, for me to call someone "sweetheart" directly, would require me to have romantic intentions. So, I tend to interpret it that way. I would not consider a response that "kicks up the flirting a notch" a pickup line. I've never heard this women call anyone else sweetheart, though, and she isn't really the "huggy" type. (Neither am I, though I will briefly accomodate those I know that are, to spare them embarassmant. I was playing pool with one, er, rotund, lady, who tried to get a bit too friendly, and insisted on a hug at the end of the game. I don't think she liked the one-armed one I briefly gave her.)
4/30/2008 11:59:29 AM	A signal, or my imagination?
magtag East York, ON age: 41	It could be a signal or it could be that she is just warming up to you because she's gotten to know you and does not feel threatened by your friendship. My suggestion, ask her out for sure if you're interested, but if she is not interested in a date, be casual about the response and open to a continued friendship at the pool table. I have several male friends at my usual hang out where I go to watch the hockey games. Suddenly over the last week 4 of them have asked me out. Where the hell did that come from??? Spring maybe? Anyhow, I told all of them the same thing...I'd prefer not to date anyone from here as it could make it an uncomfortable place for me, which I don't want. Three of the four, were perfectly fine with that and our friendship continues unaltered. The other one, well, not so great. Paid my bill ($40.00) without my knowing the other night, which is nice, but I felt pressured and didn't like it. He won't let up and I now am feeling uncomfortable about my usual hang out. This is what you want to avoid when you do ask her out.
4/30/2008 12:03:36 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
ge0ge0 Tallahassee, FL age: 42 online now!	I'd play it cool and snarky. I think she likes stand offish type guys. Don't over think things like a Virgo
4/30/2008 12:08:54 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	You hit the nail right on the head, magtag. I am attracted to her, but not obsessively so. However, she does have "that look" that has always appealed to me: short, slender, blond hair, blue eyes, slightly closed "come hither" look to the eye lids, but not so droopy as to suggest a drug habit. It's not a "deal-breaking if they don't have it" attractant to me, but it does catch my eye. (Of course if her hair were red, and her eyes green, well, damn, she'd be hot!) On the one hand, I don't want to p*ssyfoot around the issue. On the other hand, I don't want to be so bold as to make her think that I would not take "No thanks" well. It's worse than her possibly not feeling comfortable in her usual hangout: we might be partners on the same APA pool team. That alone, is reason enough for me to drop it. Though, if I had to chose between her and playing on that team, I know what my choice would be. Perhaps the best course of action is to see if she continues to become friendlier, and simply tell her: "I don't get this touchy-feely, or use terms like 'sweetheart' with women I'm not dating. So, unless you'd like me to ask you out, please stop." I think that meets ge0ge0's standard for a little snarky. I wouldn't consider her a friend at this point -- more of an acquaintance. So the whole "friend who wants to jump ladders" awkwardness isn't there. It's more a question of "Which ladder am I on?" [Edited 4/30/2008 12:23:24 PM]
4/30/2008 12:23:56 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
100proof Dayton, OH age: 36	That was pretty smooth on your part not jumpin the gun. Buy her a drink when you c her. Say something sweet but corny to get a repsonse and smile about that hug and sweetheart like in a joking but serious way. Now I know how u get free drinks lol. I hope you make me buy another 1 baby.
4/30/2008 12:29:41 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	100proof: thanks for the suggestion, but she'd see right through that. ge0ge0 is right: a bit standofish is best. Make her come to me. Classic PUA: "Look, calling me sweetheart is not enough to get me to ask you out." 'Course, I'm not a "player", so the PUA goals don't apply, but the tactics might work to see how interested she is. And, more importantly, what her interest might be: I have no intention of being one of several that she dates casually. [Edited 4/30/2008 12:30:03 PM]
4/30/2008 12:31:20 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
ge0ge0 Tallahassee, FL age: 42 online now!	"I don't get this touchy-feely, or use terms like 'sweetheart' with women I'm not dating. So, unless you'd like me to ask you out, please stop." Instead of saying please stop, say, "I don't get this touchy-feely, or use terms like 'sweetheart' with a women I'm not dating. So, unless you'd like me to ask you out,keep it up!" with a grin It'll make her smile [Edited 4/30/2008 12:33:45 PM]
4/30/2008 12:35:27 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	Instead of saying please stop, say, "then keep it up!" with a grin LOL Or, "You know, I dated the last woman who called me 'sweetheart'. Are we dating and I don't know it?"
4/30/2008 12:36:29 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
magtag East York, ON age: 41	I'm with geOgeO on the line, a little alteration to... "I don't get this touchy-feely, or use terms like 'sweetheart' with women I'm not dating. So, unless you'd like me to ask you out, then keep it up." This still makes your point, but comes across a little less rigid and just a little flirty so she knows your door is open should she care to knock on it.
4/30/2008 12:41:11 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
ge0ge0 Tallahassee, FL age: 42 online now!	That's the way I bet Magtag would laugh us out of the pool hall [Edited 4/30/2008 12:42:00 PM]
4/30/2008 12:41:12 PM	A signal, or my imagination?
oldeschoolcharm Monroe, WA age: 47	Seems like bad English to me. Perhaps: "... Keep it up and I might just ask you out."