| 6/13/2008 5:44:11 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
alicekathleen
Fresno, CA
age: 63
| A man called my ad and said he was an attorney and a judge. He had a nice voice, seemed enthusiatic,
bilingual, etc. We spoke on the phone a couple times, and though I had a feeling he was somewhat
too eager, I agreed to meet for dinner. I chose a very nice, expensive, upscale restaurant. Probably
I was hoping for a great romantic dinner.... well, I walked into the restaurant, dressed to the nines,
and a short, shabbily dressed man with two front teeth missing stood up to greet me! "Oh, don't
mind the teeth, " he said, "They were knocked out in a soccer game today." Up close, he was
even dirtier. I saw that he was mentally ill, delusions of grandeur, no more a "judge" than I was!!
I put on my coat in an attempt to sneak out the back door, but he saw the move and began to
berate me loudly. People were staring. I took out a 20 (we had ordered some wine) and threw
it on the table, then walked out, while he was yelling about how he would "pilot his private plane"
down to his "beach house" in Santa Barbara! Yikes. It was a sad, scary experience. I was afraid
to walk home (restaurant was about 8 blocks from my house and I had walked there),
in case he would follow me home, so I hung out in an alley until I saw him come out, go to a
rickety bike, and ride off. I waited quite a while, then carefully walked home. How could I have
missed his illness??? Because I so badly wanted a connection, was so lonely! Lesson: Listen!!!
| | 6/13/2008 9:04:53 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | poohbearface19
San Bernardino, CA
age: 21
| so she farted big freakin deal liek u dont freakin fart ...............
| | 6/15/2008 1:11:39 AM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | fatactress
Cumberland, MD
age: 46
| OMG..I would have called quits right there..Im so glad he didnt hurt you..except maybe your feelings..we have to be more careful..thank you for the insight.
A man called my ad and said he was an attorney and a judge. He had a nice voice, seemed enthusiatic,
bilingual, etc. We spoke on the phone a couple times, and though I had a feeling he was somewhat
too eager, I agreed to meet for dinner. I chose a very nice, expensive, upscale restaurant. Probably
I was hoping for a great romantic dinner.... well, I walked into the restaurant, dressed to the nines,
and a short, shabbily dressed man with two front teeth missing stood up to greet me! "Oh, don't
mind the teeth, " he said, "They were knocked out in a soccer game today." Up close, he was
even dirtier. I saw that he was mentally ill, delusions of grandeur, no more a "judge" than I was!!
I put on my coat in an attempt to sneak out the back door, but he saw the move and began to
berate me loudly. People were staring. I took out a 20 (we had ordered some wine) and threw
it on the table, then walked out, while he was yelling about how he would "pilot his private plane"
down to his "beach house" in Santa Barbara! Yikes. It was a sad, scary experience. I was afraid
to walk home (restaurant was about 8 blocks from my house and I had walked there),
in case he would follow me home, so I hung out in an alley until I saw him come out, go to a
rickety bike, and ride off. I waited quite a while, then carefully walked home. How could I have
missed his illness??? Because I so badly wanted a connection, was so lonely! Lesson: Listen!!!
| | 6/15/2008 1:12:44 AM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | fatactress
Cumberland, MD
age: 46
| My son says women don't fart they poot!
I like your son..
| | 6/15/2008 1:16:23 AM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | fatactress
Cumberland, MD
age: 46
| At least she didn't ask you to pull her finger....
 ..cant stop laughing...
| | 6/15/2008 1:19:43 AM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
pink_rose
Rockland, MA
age: 29
| About 10 day ago, I went on a date, first one with this particular girl. Had a reasonably good time, pretty much the usual, however, she said she wanted to take some semi erotic pics, silhouettes etc. So, of to her house we go, did the pics (came out WAY better than I thought) anyway, we end up horizontal, etc and as wer'e doing it doggy, she says "Spank me!" (God Bless her). So I did. One good smack. A half second later, as though in reply, (I'll put this delicately) she tooted. Actually, more like a foghorn. Maybe more like the noise Godzilla makes. At this point I'm sympathizing with the helplessness of others who have been shot at point blank range. And obviously the evenings shot, there isn't enough viagra and porn on the planet to save it, since I can't help but crack up just looking at her. And the worst thing about it is, it seemed like she didn't even try to, you know, choke it off. Also, get this, she's a semi tree hugger type, who was squawking about global warming, greenhouse emissions and so on. So if anyone can advise on how I can stop myself from thinking of this for the next time, like when they advise people who are nervous about public speaking to imagine the audience in their underwear, let me know.
Dude the fog horn thing was cool, you should hear what I say and do in bed if you think that is kinky.. HA HA HA just kidding.
| | 6/23/2008 5:54:08 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
whitechocolates
New South Wales
Australia
age: 51
| GeoGeo...l agree with YOU!!
How shallow is that,after you have dinner or go to bed,things like that happen!
Yes you both crack up laughing about it!
Why shouldnt she fart in her sleep???????..bet you do as well!!
l think your ex did it knowing it would keep you away for a while!...lol
People do that sometimes if you were out eating asian food that they arent used to..or other.
The real taboo in this honestly in my opinion..NEVER fart when someones going down on you.
Male or female!!!!...its just crude.
The rest is alloughable....nobody can stay in the moment if one slips out during that...lol
You dont realise how many women you just lost over that comment sweetie!
Nobody wants to feel uncomfortable about their bodies when in bed with someone???
A bit of growing up goes a long way.
| | 6/25/2008 8:34:58 AM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
montego3
Winchendon, MA
age: 50
| LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! That's too funny Did she at least say afterwards????
| | 7/5/2008 6:02:32 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | refinedprincess
Westland, MI
age: 34
| That's Hilarious! I'm rofl ..I once had a bf who wanted me to let go. lol I just didn't have the wind in me to let go or I gladly would have...lol heck he asked if he could fart...guess his nose was itchin to smell some gas...
| | 7/5/2008 6:36:06 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | lizzy125
Corning, AR
age: 35
| If she had gotten up and excused herself to go to the bathroom you would have been more disturbed. A fart on a toilet sounds like a duck on a Megaphone .....with bubbles
if It wasnt a sticky one (otherwise known as smelly) you should smile and go on / she would have offered you another stiffy without the viagra. 
| | 7/10/2008 4:10:15 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
starvinglips
Pleasant Garden, NC
age: 52
| ..................
I can't stop laughing....it's the best I've read in a long time......
| | 7/18/2008 3:28:09 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
misssunshine67
Cocoa Beach, FL
age: 41
| okay, ladies and gentlemen, it has taken amazonian strength for me to stop laughing so hard i cried and fell off the chair and i don't know how much longer i can manage to stay on the chair, so i'll be brief.
i'm wagering my bet that it wasn't a queefe, as that might infer his member being larger than his personality infers it is. in defense of my position on this matter, i will have to site his unfamiliarity with such phenomena and thus i rest my case that he is most likely wee tiny and that his attraction to women is so fragile that any suggestion of reality nearly breaks it for the present and future.
i propose that the two most squeamish of you boys have a look at eachother's profiles and consider the compatibility of eachother's closets. i think we may have a match!
stand back!
blast... where's the icon for fart lighting when you need it?
It amazes me that it took 6 pages of this for anyone to realize that the size is the issue. No one who is small knows anything about queefing...lmao...can't believe I am actually going to put my post out on this one...but Evie you are right on! Too bad for him! rotflmao...this is hilarious, but I'm glad he's not in my neighborhood...wayyyy too much chatter and I feel terrible for the girl...tree hugger or not! What happens at home stays at home! Try a little class and some privacy...in the long run this is one of those guys...that if you get the flu you have to check into a hotel for the whole time because he can't take it?
| | 7/18/2008 3:50:29 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
sdcentaur
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 48
| As I always say "No splatter, no matter"
| | 7/21/2008 10:05:45 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 
bigdog747
Roswell, NM
age: 45
| Hey nored
hang on brother pls 
you could have
never mind I' crying
oooooooooooooooo my stomach
| | 7/24/2008 3:26:27 PM | New Asshole Topic or "My Date Disaster" | | 29alicia
Skiatook, OK
age: 29
| Honestly, doing it doggy style can create air pockets inside a womans vagina therefore when having sex will make a farting sound and/or if she did really fart understand that that ppls stomach will react in unusual ways due to good exercise.
[Edited 7/24/2008 3:27:59 PM]
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