Leaving a relationship

5/3/2008 9:34:18 AM	Leaving a relationship
wiley0ne Galesburg, IL age: 59	One of the hardest decisions we ever make in life is leaving a long-term relationship that just isn’t working. When attempts at repairing and working out issues aren’t working, it may be time to examine moving on. We are emotional creatures, and when our heartstrings are tied to those of another, separating from that person can feel like an act of courage. It is not something most of us will take lightly, and many of us will struggle with our desire to stay in a relationship that is unfulfilling simply in order to avoid that pain. We may question whether the happiness we seek even exists, and we may wonder if we might be wiser to simply settle where we are, making the best of what we have. On the one hand, we almost relish the idea that true happiness is not out there so that we can avoid the pain of change. On the other hand, we feel within ourselves a yearning to fulfill our desire for relationships that are vital and healing. Ultimately, most of us will follow this call, because deep within ourselves we know that we deserve to be happy. We all deserve to be happy, no matter where we find ourselves in this moment, and we are all justified in moving, like plants toward the light, in the direction that leads to our greatest fulfillment. First, though, we may need to summon the courage to move on from the relationship that appears to be holding us back. Taking the first steps will be hard, but the happiness we find when we have freed ourselves from a situation that is draining our energy will outshine any hardship we undergo to get there. Keeping our eyes trained on the horizon, we begin the work of disentangling ourselves from the relationship that no longer fits. Every step brings us closer to a relationship that will work, and the freedom we need to find the happiness we deserve.
5/3/2008 10:23:30 AM	Leaving a relationship
holdmetight2 Turlock, CA age: 57	Really hits the things that do go on in a long term commitment ! I have been married 40 years and just settled here because of first !! I was in church much of my life . And getting out was impossible (so it seemed) You have kids that need both parents . I know if fighting goes on ..it would be better to move on. But wasn't my situation. Love and attention died after about 20 years of marriage . He deciding to have a fling with his lead lady (He was Supervisor)..But he could not just say what was bothering him. Did i think at first that was what was wrong ? No I Thought we got along really well. But then the drinking started. BAD ! i tried counseling ..He would not go. Sex was not anything to brag about .But he was all i ever knew.. But then it gets much worse when a guy/girl gets to drinking. Never thought leaving was an option for me.. Religious things first .Marriage vows meant a lot.. I worked for minimum wage so i thought i could not leave. So then i just settled . Then had ill mother i took care of in last months of her life. Then i get illness that makes me not able to get out or work.. And ! Get custody of HIS great Nephew ..Which is now my son. So at times We do settle .. Because we see no way out . But last two years ..i decided i needed and want that great feeling of someone caring. Thats why i am here . I know its wrong .But i am not looking to take away from anyone here looking for a long lasting relationship.
5/3/2008 10:31:45 AM	Leaving a relationship
chopperbabe Overland Park, KS age: 47	For me, it was hard to realize that the marriage was not saveable (if that is a word) and it burst my bubble after trying to find things (counseling, books, changing oneself, etc) to make the relationship happier. A person who doesn't want to change or making changes won't. I can't force it on a person so the best thing to do was to move on. Failure doesn't feel good but I know that even trying my hardest sometimes I have to stop and think ... why am I doing all the work for a lost cause. I'm stubborn so it takes a while to get through to my little blue bonnet
5/3/2008 10:36:43 AM	Leaving a relationship
susansheart839 Port Saint Lucie, FL age: 60	"Failure doesn't feel good but I know that even trying my hardest sometimes I have to stop and think ... why am I doing all the work for a lost cause." Lost cause is right. I just enderd a 5 year marriage for the same reasons. I moved 3,000 miles, sold my house, left my family and friends to be with him, for him to berate me, ignore me and drink himself into a coma every night. I cried like a baby when I realized I couldn't fix the marriage.
5/3/2008 10:38:50 AM	Leaving a relationship
ctrybunny Brighton, CO age: 49	Yes, Every step does bring us closer to that new relationship. It does take time and understanding to take those first few steps. but its like learning how to walk again. or riding a bike. After, leaving my X starting over was definintely what I expected to be doing. But, My dad always said if you fall of the horse get up and get on again. So, that's what I'm doing. I dusted myself off. and made changes, all for the good. Hope, and faith have are a big part of my life now. Sharing this with someone is what I hope to succeed in. Learning to trust again, finding my smile and laughter. Best of luck to all my friends here on DH I hope you all follow your pathroads to a special relationship.
5/3/2008 11:19:46 AM	Leaving a relationship
winesong Bend, OR age: 88 online now!	Relationships are the chapters of life. Page turners...some we can see or know the ending is coming...sometimes we never want that great chapter to end. ............................................................................... As I have read.. At any given moment, we are exactly where we are supposed to be..... people come into our lives for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime... very few for a lifetime..(mother father, relatives like siblings). It is up to each of us to figure out why we are in any given relationship outside the familial category... how long will we have together??? Some things in life we wish would never end... Nothing Good lasts forever, Nothing bad lasts forever, and this too shall pass my dahling... Wine
5/5/2008 7:09:56 PM	Leaving a relationship
theresal Mineral, IL age: 65	HAVE YOUR EVER FELT LIKE A DUCK IN THE WATER CALM ON TOP BUT PADDLING LIKE HELL UNDERNEATH. LEAVING A RELATIONSHIP CAN MAKE ONE FEEL LIKE THEY ARE PADDLING LIKE HELL TO RECOVER TO THE TOP OF THE CALM WATERS IN ONES LIFE. SOMETIMES ONES FEET CAN GET PRETTY TIRED W/ALL THE PADDLING YOU DO TO FIND THAT CALMNESS AGAIN !!! SO WE MUST BE CAREFUL TO WHOM WE GIVE OUR HEART TO FOR IT IS ONE OF OUR MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSIONS !!!!!
5/5/2008 7:22:16 PM	Leaving a relationship
imgenuine Belle Vernon, PA age: 60	I have found that sometimes we are in a relationship that is really a bad habit that just will not break. I personally know what that is like. We seem to attempt to worry about everyone else and their feelings and keep hanging in there, especially if we have children to raise. It is never a good time to end a relationshop; however, life is too short to be miserable. If you have given it your best with talking therapt, etc. move on. Let go and let God. You can only control yourself. RC
5/6/2008 6:38:21 AM	Leaving a relationship
jollyjean Chippewa Falls, WI age: 60	Hang in there and take it slow, cause I'm sure someone will sweep you off your feet.
5/6/2008 3:59:55 PM	Leaving a relationship
missa838 Battle Creek, MI age: 34	I'm going through the same thing right now.I may end up in debt beyond belief and I'm scared for my daughters future because of it but I know we deserve better and shouldn't settle for less.Neither should you,if the two of you aren't able to resolve your issues it's better to go now,but be civil about it.Because if it doesn't get better you'll blow up on her believe me I was the bomb and he refused to admit any responsibility for any of financial or emotional issues and now he's acting like a manipulative,controlling psycho who doesn't have to be responsible for anything.It's almost like he had a nervous breakdown.(He always had to fight about something and it was always me giving in-he thought compromise meant you give something up I do what I want)And I felt like this---
5/6/2008 4:52:24 PM	Leaving a relationship
schriee Seguin, TX age: 30	never mind leaving one i just to start one!!!