| 5/3/2008 12:23:00 PM | Is it just me..... | |
baydreamin
Lancaster, PA
age: 48
| or does anyone else find that it takes a long time to move from the chatting online/on the phone stage to actually meeting someone? I have become wary of extended chatting, emails, even phone conversations prior to meeting because you build up this fantasy or expectation of the other person based on those conversations, and then reality can be a disappointment.
How do you encourage the other person (one of whom I was beginning to care about deeply but who wanted to move VERY slowly and who I guess I scared away) to meet before getting into personal and often intimate conversations?
|
| 5/3/2008 1:06:28 PM | Is it just me..... | |
luvwild
Brooklyn, NY
age: 41
| Sometimes they are just chicken. Maybe you should ask 'em out if you think they are taking too long and want to talk too much.
|
| 5/3/2008 5:37:40 PM | Is it just me..... | |
ddv1370
Chandler, AZ
age: 29
| Anyone who only wants to email and talk by phone has a reason they don't want to meet in person and 99.9% of the time it's bad. RED FLAG!!!!
|
| 5/3/2008 5:46:57 PM | Is it just me..... | |
profirefighter
Pittsburgh, PA
age: 52
| you know, there's always that possibility that they believe that if they try to progress the "relationship" too quickly, they may scare you away.
personally, i believe that being a bit cautious, taking the time to really get to KNOW a person before a "meet", is much better than rushing into something you may later regret.
remember, patience is a virtue.
and, then again...
maybe it IS just you. 
|
| 5/3/2008 6:33:38 PM | Is it just me..... | |
wishicould
Mesquite, TX
age: 52 online now!
| Sucks don't it.
|
| 5/3/2008 6:39:12 PM | Is it just me..... | |
kusker
Suncook, NH
age: 28
| I found that most of the time the one your chatting with isn't actually taking it seriously and don't intend on meeting.
There are the ones You do actually meet though, and it doesn't end up working out because you got used to comunicating one way and don't know waht to do when you get there.
My better experiences have been one-4 emails, then meet... if' they're serious about wanting to meet, they will.
|
| 5/3/2008 6:47:31 PM | Is it just me..... | |
collee
Calipatria, CA
age: 46
| You know kusker, that may work when it is geographically logical to do so, but I have found that most of us talk to folks that are some distance away. So setting up a meet isn't a spur of the moment thing. These trips take planning and preperation on all parts. When and if you find someone that is close to the same area as you are...then a meeting would be great, even of it's just for coffee.....
and if conversations get too intimate or personal, then just steer the conversation to a safer more neutral topic and be sure to explain why you are doing so. Written words can be so misconstrued that sometimes a jest is taken seriously...and takes numerous emails to straighten out.
|
| 5/3/2008 6:49:20 PM | Is it just me..... | |
nwgrown
White City, OR
age: 55
| I think it's good to meet as soon as possible for exactly the reason you mentioned. Atleast for me, I do build up an idea in my mind and people are sooooo different in person.
I wouldn't take the guy backing off personally. Lots of people online like the "safety" of not being face to face but for whatever their reason, they aren't ready for a commitment. You'll find someone that is, or he'll find you denise
|
| 5/3/2008 6:58:40 PM | Is it just me..... | |
dixiethelovebug
Auburn, GA
age: 43
| I want to meet if all possible within 2 weeks. You can say what you want on here and the words are what you want to hear but after weeeeeks of emails and phone calls, then you meet and there is no attraction at all, then it is like a freindship has ended. Expecially if one is attracted to the other and the feelings are not mutual.
I am here to meet and find the right one for me. I am not here to chat for months then meet and find out we are not right for each other. Better to find it out sooner than later.
If you are to scared to meet someone, then you dont need to be here is how I see it.
I get nervous when I am going to meet someone new but I know if I dont, then I will be sitting here typing forever.
|
| 5/3/2008 10:09:29 PM | Is it just me..... | |
baydreamin
Lancaster, PA
age: 48
| I agree with those who think a meet within a week or two (when logistics permit)is reasonable. The online thing is a two-edged sword, I've found. It's great in the fact that you can really get to know alot about a person because people speak a little more freely online or on the phone and you learn alot about a person in a short amount of time. But the flip side of that is maybe you learn too much too soon. And then when you finally meet, it can possibly be very awkward. I know in my case with the guy that disappeared, I had begun to have feelings for him - could see myself sharing the things in his life that were important to him - based solely on emails traded over a short period of time. And we didn't get terribly personal. But when he went poof! I found myself really hurting over it. Took me by surprise. But because I was feeling that way, and I had had several disappointing experiences prior to this one (guy wasn't at all like his picture for one lol!), I wanted to meet and make sure that this guy I was really beginning to like, was the same in person as online. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, but I guess it was to him. And I regret that I likely pushed him right out of my life. 
|
| 5/3/2008 10:13:51 PM | Is it just me..... | |
chopperbabe
Overland Park, KS
age: 47
| It was a month of chatting, phone calling before meeting someone from here who is long distance. A person has to make sure that there is some kind of chemistry before paying that much money to find out if there is chemistry in person or not ... unless they've got money to burn. Most of us don't so it's better to be more cautious rather than jumping into something that may not be there to begin with.
|
| 5/3/2008 10:16:37 PM | Is it just me..... | |
maniacmassager
Lawrence, MA
age: 42 online now!
| If im really comfortable with a girl ill ask. most times ill get turned down though. at least thats a sign they arent interested in you. 
|
| 5/3/2008 10:20:44 PM | Is it just me..... | |
crimson_tide
Florence, AL
age: 32
| Yea I'll have to agree not meeting some people from online could be a blessing in disguise. 
|
| 5/3/2008 10:54:30 PM | Is it just me..... | |
fryyyy
North Kingstown, RI
age: 49
| maybe your looking for different things. Maybe that guy was looking for friends.. not sex.. not a wife.. nothing more than friends.. and .. well in time if something more happened.. then that's great.. DHU is a great place to fall for someone.. cus they are probably available.
but you.. you weren't looking for the same thing.. If you tried to force something that didn't feel natural or right, I'd probably dump you too. If you couldn't be my friend.. i sure as heck wouldn't want you for my wife.
I think if you look for a wife/husband.. you just might find one.. but for all the wrong reasons. I'm not sure you find love by following check lists and making conscious decisions. I think it just happens when your around someone you like, share time with, interests with and life in general with.
I think TIME is a great filter, TIME can filter out the BS.. leaving nothing but the genuine thing. Time is on YOUR side.. if you use it.
I think it's ok to dump someone that's too slow for you.. Cus i think you might be looking for different things.
|
| 5/3/2008 11:07:07 PM | Is it just me..... | |
flowergirl62
South Australia
Australia
age: 46
| baydreaming...........I have met a couple of Australian guys who I'd emailed and talked to for ages and we decided it was time to meet for a coffee or a meal. They were great guys but one looked completely different to his picture and when we met there was no chemistry. He also had a couple of fingers missing from an accident. That didn't worry me so much but I had fallen for this image of him from his photo. So fair warning people. What I learnt from the experiences is be open to the fact that we are all human and probably all nervous. Try and see beyond the photo and be prepared for anything.
|