| 5/7/2008 4:25:03 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
second_chances
Chillicothe, OH
age: 41
| I've ignored the ones I received so far, but the one I got today really made me want to say something. 
This man's profile says he's single..looking for someone to share his life with. I won't call him out but I hope he knows I'm posting about him. But his email to me tells me he has a wife...he doesn't wish to divorce, but is looking for someone to talk to about other things besides bills and such. 
This one stood out to me because if he's where he says he is, he's about 20 miles from me. I was told how attractive I was..something about my profile stood out to him..that I looked 'mentally exhausted' and I have the same look in my eye as he does.
 Uh....no I do not. I am not a married person looking to cheat on my spouse. 
I was once the spouse of someone that cheated. I do not know this person's wife at all - I have no idea what their marriage is like to take his side on any issue he may have.
I have a little more brains than expected. I look at it like this - a married man has a profile that says he's single - on a dating site. He emails me with a sob story of not being understood by his wife of 27 years. He doesn't want to divorce but wants a 'friend'. I live in close proximity. My profile talks of a bad past and wanting a new beginning. Perhaps I'm lonely....am I dumb enough to fall for this?
Not hardly. 
If a person is not happy in a marriage, then get out. Don't bring others into the mix. Why willingly reach out to someone else when the one you have at home may be totally oblivious to how you feel? This subject really strikes a nerve with me after having been thru it. I would never make another woman feel like I did.
I know the cheating talk has been done to death, but I'm tired of the excuses and the way it's been made so easy to do. What's happened to this world that people seem to forget what it's like to be faithful?
It isn't just the emails I've gotten. I had a guy I've talked to a few times at work approach me last week. Wanted to know if I wanted to go out for a drink..and in the same paragraph proceeded to tell me he had a wife which I didn't know nor did anyone in the office I work in. When I told him my opinion and told him a resounding NO, I was told to go f*ck myself. So because I wouldn't go out with a married man for a drink behind his wife's back, I became the bad guy.
Oh well - I've had worse said to me by better. 
Alright - off my soap box. Just had to vent a bit.
[Edited 5/7/2008 4:54:38 PM]
|
| 5/7/2008 4:31:28 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
wowzewowze
Pacific, MO
age: 35
| ya outta oust the bastard,say his name.i think that is why it seems so easy to cheat anymore,cause everybody looks the other way.hellwitdat
|
| 5/7/2008 4:32:50 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
onelife2live
Janesville, WI
age: 43
| If they are married and acting single, name them please..I don't have a problem with that...liars make it hard on us honest guys and gals...jmo
|
| 5/7/2008 4:32:54 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45
| I had a man from (Des Moines, Iowa) recently contact me through DH email. He openly stated he was married. I responded that I don't date married men. He sent me another email asking if we could have lunch...isn't that the same thing as a date? I again said no. He sent me a photo of himself and asked if I wouldn't reconsider. It was really sad because my answer remained NO the entire time. No. No. No. No. No thanks, no.
While I can understand that someone in his position may not be content - how is this my problem?
If they're unhappy why don't they just get a divorce?
[Edited 5/7/2008 4:33:37 PM]
|
| 5/7/2008 4:33:08 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
grobs
New Braunfels, TX
age: 38
|  ,Yep what has happened to being faithful? The guy that asked you out sounds like a jerk. I don't think you are the bad guy. JMO.
|
| 5/7/2008 4:35:11 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
countryman08
Mansfield, OH
age: 42
| Hi D! Don't feel guilty for venting because you're allowed to be here. And you're also allowed to say what you'll accept in life. And if you're unhappy with a married person trying to forge a relationship with you, then say it.
You're not being a martyr for speaking your mind. I agree with you. Somewhere along the lines it became okay to cheat and not okay to speak against it. I know it's to each his own, but you don't have to like it.
You and I have talked this issue over in the past and I know how you feel about it. Don't let him, the guy from your work, or any other person make you change your morals. I have lots of respect for you for what you did.
|
| 5/7/2008 4:35:53 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
57rickie
Sioux Falls, SD
age: 57
| Out both of the Jerks. And for the guy you work with....has he ever heard of Harrassment in the workplace. Tell your boss JMO
|
| 5/7/2008 4:36:20 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
usakindatheart
Overton, TX
age: 48 online now!
| i too was on the receiving end of cheating. my x-H had numerous chat friends with women, and because his job allows him to travel all over u.s.a. he was able to tell them anything, and they believed it. so many affairs, ... and me oblivious to it all.
some may of been the mid life crisis... but i have come to a serious conclusion that he was doing it the whole marriage, and dumb me believed every lie he told me, because hey if a person loves you, why would you even doubt anything he has ever said....
it is nice to see that there are attractive women who will not be put in the OTHER WOMAN shoes, i also would never put a woman , through what i have had to go through this last year.
god bless and keep it real....
[Edited 5/7/2008 4:37:58 PM]
|
| 5/7/2008 4:44:41 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
sitkarains
Sitka, AK
age: 48
| If they are married and acting single, name them please..I don't have a problem with that...liars make it hard on us honest guys and gals
While that would be nice againest forum rules.
I just ignore them that I get from married folk.
Why they are here and not at home trying to make it work I have no clue..But to flip the coin a bit, there are some wonderful people out here that are upfront they are still married, but seperated. One lady comes to mind, she had a very abusive marriage, was so thankful that he was gone. That she doesn't care. She is honest and up front about her living situation. I know if she reads this post she will recognize herself but she also knows I respect her immensely
So I do think that if they are still married not seperated I have to ask why are they here
|
| 5/7/2008 4:44:47 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
zerodrama1227
Plant City, FL
age: 33
| This has happened to me twice on here. Men listing themselves as single that ended up being married I would have never known If not for the emails I got from thier wives
|
| 5/7/2008 4:53:34 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
second_chances
Chillicothe, OH
age: 41
| Thanks all for your responses. Stuff like this really hits a tender spot with me.
I used to be that person at home not knowing what her husband was doing. I'm sure he had the same lines and spoke them with a straight face. Maybe there's a manual with chapters out there.
They say for all you've been thru, you decide whether or not you can break the cycle. My ex was married before - she cheated on him. He watched his mother cheat on his father. HE could have broken the cycle. He chose not to. I choose to not live that way of life. I choose to learn from what I saw and went thru and not allow another woman to face the devastation I did in finding out my husband was having an affair - with me as the other woman.
I might have some dumb blonde moments, but this won't be one of them. I refuse to be looked at as someone that might do something like what he suggested. I won't feel guilty for being me..talking to people..laughing at life or myself..enjoying my friends. And I'm not going to be made to feel guilty because I choose to not partake in any act with a married man.
As for this man at work? He was a drug rep and has not been allowed to come back to the hospital due to his little remark to me. I told him if he steps foot in there again, I won't hesitate to tell his wife...then maybe she and I can sit down to a Cosmopolitan..
|
| 5/7/2008 4:54:32 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
bella2020
Lebanon, OH
age: 47
| SECOND, you wouldn't think you would have to ask on a dating site if someone is married, when his profile says single,but you do,Did you say he lives by us? share his life with?
|
| 5/7/2008 5:02:24 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
mowry
Ashland, PA
age: 39 online now!
| i hear ya second and i agree.
ive been in the same spot and will not date married women
its nice to see some people still have morals 
|
| 5/7/2008 5:05:51 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
maniacmassager
Lawrence, MA
age: 42
| Dont sweat the small stuff. lifes too short to worry about guys like that.
|
| 5/7/2008 5:07:38 PM | Receiving Emails From Married People | |
second_chances
Chillicothe, OH
age: 41
| Yep, Bella. In the spot where it asks your status it says he's single..not separated..but single. Crazy, eh?
I had a really bad marriage - and I hoped I learned a lot by it. I learned what I don't want and I learned what I won't put up with. And this is one BIG thing. Cheating.
My question and main point of this would be - what the hell was this person thinking? My profile clearly talks of my past and a little insight to what I've dealt with. I hope to have a good life from here on out - live happy and prosper. I have a chance to start over. And due to this person feeling stuck..or whatever he's going thru..he thinks I'm going to put myself down and become something to him and all the while he stays married?? What would I hope to gain? How do "I" better MY life by helping him thru whatever he is going thru? Whether it be midlife or God knows what...how selfish is it of someone to even ask another person to enter into anything with them under these circumstances?
When I came to that conclusion about my ex - realizing his selfishness in his affairs - then my anger towards his mistress just ceased. I had to come to terms with the fact she wouldn't have heard the music if he hadn't asked her to dance. Yes, she was just as guilty.....but I wasn't married to her. His loyalty lay with me and he knew it.
It was at that point I knew my divorce was going to happen. No such thing as 'it just happened'. We all have a choice.
Okay - I feel better now. Thanks all!
|