| 5/8/2008 6:24:51 AM | abuse........ | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| I guess this is for women for the most part. I am sure there are some men that have run into it too. I am not one that could or ever would be abusive. So, its hard for me to understand. I get the impresion that a lot of women get abused. Being a person that does not even let it enter my mind ( to be abusive) It flipps my lid to think that there is that much of it going on! I also wonder if there might be a lot of crying wolf out there as well. So I just want ask, who all have actually been in a abusive relationship? abuse of any kind.
please state what type of abuse?
I just want it to be clear, I do not think abuse is ok in any way. personally if I ran into a women being abuse, I would most like get to go to jail with the guy doing it. because I would and have put myself in the middle of it..
|
| 5/8/2008 6:32:22 AM | abuse........ | |
blueyedbobbie
Poultney, VT
age: 36
| i have been in abusive relationships but got out. There were 3 to be exact. The first relationship only lasted 3 months. He started the you can't wear makeup, don't tuck in your shirt and then he began with the hitting. not gonna have that. he tried to run me over the day i left.  the second did once and once was enough see ya later. the third was my exhusband he hit me so i had him arrested. nobody man or woman deserves to have someone put their hand on them in an abusive manner or the belittling of someone with saying cruel things to them; because that is mental abuse.
|
| 5/8/2008 6:34:53 AM | abuse........ | |
bethlet
Spokane, WA
age: 49
| Keep one thing in mind....
One makes a CHOICE to ALLOW themselves to be abused in a relationship. You ALWAYS have the choice to WALK AWAY. They always have the choice to pick up the telephone, call the police, file charges, and put the guys' ass in jail.
Those who say they stay because they cannot afford to leave are rationalizing. There is always welfare and women's abuse centers.
For every man that hits a woman or mentally or verbally abuses her, there is a woman sitting there LETTING him do it.
No, of course I have never been abused in a relationship. Early on, thats one of the "discussions". No one hits in my world. Not the man, not the woman. I make that perfectly clear, from the get go.
High five, Blueyed! xoxoxxo
[Edited 5/8/2008 6:37:24 AM]
|
| 5/8/2008 6:47:57 AM | abuse........ | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| bethlet, I see your point for sure. at the same time it does not make it ok to abuse because someone stayed after being abused. personaly I think if a person does it one time they will do it again and again.
|
| 5/8/2008 7:13:41 AM | abuse........ | |
bethlet
Spokane, WA
age: 49
| You are exactly right. Once an abuser, always an abuser. Once a pedophile, always a pedophile. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
It is very hard to leave. Many times abuse takes very subtle forms. But one has to remember that if one ALLOWS themself to be abused, they are the enabler. They are as guilty of the perpetration as the perpetrator, himself. (or herself....there are female abusers as well.)
|
| 5/8/2008 7:33:00 AM | abuse........ | |
egglebert
Steinbach, MB
age: 46
| I've experienced it in my last marriage.
I walked into it too! She had been abused in her previous marriage and because of the feelings I had for her at the time, I though I could make a change in her life and show her what a real relationship was all about.
It didn't work as I had planned. Instead, her unresolved issues accompanied by verbal abuse dragged me down over the years. Three years of marriage councelling with no improvements brought me to resolution and acceptance that change was not going to happen and I had to get out for my own health.
I will not put myself in that position ever again.
|
| 5/8/2008 7:37:15 AM | abuse........ | |
nab5055
Medford, NJ
age: 43
| First of all, I don't agree that everyone can just walk away. It is not always like that....
I was in a verbally abusive relationship for many years. It increased over time. You lose your self esteem and don't even see what it is doing to you and your family. When u wake up u feel like OMG..........what am I thinking.
I was lucky in the respect that I can take care of myself and my kids. Many ppl don't have that option. there are also ppl in these relationships that have been abused as children and don't believe that they deserve anything more or know that they can find trust honesty and respect out there.
JMO
|
| 5/8/2008 8:17:37 AM | abuse........ | |
goodintention54
Plymouth, MI
age: 55
| My choice to leave an abusive relationship took a little time.."I'm a man" "I can take it"...."besides men don't get abused".... that was my mind set...each time she went to Rehab..."this time it will work and things will get better"...each time she walked away from rehab...."maybe the next time". Well I have to tell you it didn't get better it got WORSE.
Worse to the point where it was destroying the lives of the children and me. So I went to the courts for help and I got it. Sole parentship (hate the word custody).The three of us are living happy lives now.
|
| 5/8/2008 8:20:16 AM | abuse........ | |
evileddy
Ottawa, ON
age: 35
| I've been in a few abusive relationships.. and I've been an abuser in a few relationships.
I've never hit another human being in anger... but I have said some things that must have hit them harder than any fist.
Goes around comes around, eh?
|
| 5/8/2008 8:32:25 AM | abuse........ | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| well goodint, I was not abused but I was assaulted a few times and was at a real loss as to why or even how it came to be. I later learned she was trying to get me to hit her so she could leave with our kids. lol funny and not so funny thing is that even though she did not get me to hit her, I still got to go to jail for what she said I did. never happened! but in some states that does not realy matter. its has alot to do with whats in your wallet. just be glad your ex did not think of it. I learned my exes lawyer put her up to it. just so she could get rights to the children. In KY you do not need prof you just have to say it happened. I fought it at a huge cost and sort of won but its all about the money here. in the end I had to give her the kids half of the time and have had to worry about them every sense. drugs, booze, doctor shopper. drives me nuts. Sad thing is after she got what she thought she could get, it just went away. no more court no more charges nadda.
|
| 5/8/2008 9:01:49 AM | abuse........ | |
braska1959
Farmland, IN
age: 48
| Yes, I've been an abusive relationship. It didn't start out that way. He became disabled and confined to a wheel chair, he was a workaholic and loved riding his motorcycle and took pride in providing for me. He was old fashioned and raised that the man takes care of the woman. I had to quit a full time job to stay home a take care of him. That's when the abuse started, first verbaly then the physical abuse. I stayed for 2 more years and I know when you say your vows in sickness and health your supposed to stay no matter what. I feel alot of guilt for leaving, but it was either leave or end up in the hospital my self, so I chose to leave. So if there any of you out there who is abusive get help, if you are being abused get out while you still can. I'm so much happier now than I was and alot healthier also, mentally and physically.
|
| 5/8/2008 9:26:47 AM | abuse........ | |
goodintention54
Plymouth, MI
age: 55
| Braska, I wrestled with that "vows" thing myself...but soon realized that the vows go both ways and if your partner chooses to be abusive towards you that constitutes a serious breach of vows. It is a much happier life now for me and more importantly for my little ones (a heavy weight has been lifted off their tiny shoulders) they feel safe.
Dat, yeah she tried that and everytime the police showed up she was the one they hauled away. They always talked with the kids to get the true story. She would call 911 when she got smashed and out of her mind. The Canton police were at our house so many times they were thinking of opening a mini station in our basement. They were very familiar with her. Anyway that nightmare is behind us now... happily moving forward.
|
| 5/8/2008 9:32:59 AM | abuse........ | |
datdardood
Murray, KY
age: 46
| Good, lucky you, my kids were too small to talk to. hopfuly they do not remember the worst of it. but yes moving on is the best thing. peronslly my ex still has the same probs. the kids are now old enough to deal with it too a point.
|
| 5/8/2008 9:35:02 AM | abuse........ | |
bethlet
Spokane, WA
age: 49
| I do feel sorry for men in that it is true that a woman can pretty much make any claim she wishes and it will be followed up on. As a parent of sons, I do feel for what happens to men. I think they get the short end of the stick in the legal system. (But we get the short end of the stick in the employ system, lol and the dating system).
Reading stories like these make me realize why so few men are wanting relationships. I can't say I blame them. If I'd had that horrid of an experience, I would not want to get involved either.
|
| 5/8/2008 9:45:14 AM | abuse........ | |
classicsfan
Charlottetown, PE
age: 51
| I agree with some of the others. If you have no experience with abuse, it can start subtly and develop over time without you being aware it is happening. The biggest thing is that as your self-esteem goes down, you feel that you deserve the name calling and the put downs. in my case, it lasted 15 years, and it was only after a change in careers where I realized that I was getting respect from other people I realized how bad things were. As it is, one psychiatrist I saw suggested that I might have some Post-traumatic stress from the relationship.
Before you can leave, you have to realize that you are not being treated as you should be.
|