| 5/9/2008 7:23:38 AM | New here and need advice. | |
aim622
Irwin, PA
age: 37
| I read the forums on here and see that alot of you give wonderful advice to people. So, I'm just going to ask.
I was seeing a guy for a few months and thought things were going great. We didn't see each other a whole lot due to our work schedules, but when we did, we had a good time. We talked a lot and texted each other all the time. Then, out of nowhere, he goes into the whole "I'm not ready for a relationship" routine. He pulled the e-brake and it all just stopped. But he won't let me go, he still calls and sends me texts, only they're becoming few and far between. He gave me the "I just want to be friends for now" speech, and I'm just not capable of doing that. I'm still very hurt and it kills me every time we talk. I miss him but I know I need to get over him and move on. HOW do I do that???? I'm comparing every guy I meet to him. How do I stop doing that??? I'm afraid I might miss out on meeting someone special because I can't get over him. I just really fell hard for him and can't seem to get back up and dust myself off. HELP!!
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| 5/9/2008 7:26:55 AM | New here and need advice. | |
meh777
Midland, TX
age: 31 online now!
| in my opinion it would be better for you to completly cut contact with him in order to move on it sounds to me like he is just stringing you along in case he needs you again sorry but thats what it sounds like.... I hope you get through this believe me I have been there
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| 5/9/2008 8:07:32 AM | New here and need advice. | |
xxdreamcatcherx
Fall River, MA
age: 26
| I am sorry but that sounds like you are his second option to whenever he needed you. It just sad how some dudes do that to a girl. It just f-ED UP. I think its in your best interest to cut complete contact with this ex of yours. If you are still talking to him clearly you're the only that's hurting and he can't make up his mind. So I think you should make his mind for him and cut all loses and move on. And say f**k it
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| 5/9/2008 8:58:07 AM | New here and need advice. | |
egglebert
Steinbach, MB
age: 46
| I would have to agree.
It sounds like he is playing the field and is not ready for commitment.
Only you can decide for yourself if you are ready to move on despite how much it hurts.
You may be hanging onto the thought of the possibility to reconnect with him, there are other people out there.
The hurt can and will go away. You will find someone new. You will find that someone who will commit to you as you can for him
Matter of time - chin up
We have all been there too many times
[Edited 5/9/2008 9:00:31 AM]
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| 5/9/2008 9:58:23 AM | New here and need advice. | |
headstart68
Evansville, IN
age: 40
| If you don't like the way his behavior makes you feel, why do you want him in your life? Whatever he's doing for you can't be worth feeling miserable over. (hugs)
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| 5/9/2008 10:47:17 AM | New here and need advice. | |
kittyriffic
Georgetown, FL
age: 53
| I went through this same situation with a guy for almost 3 years. Kept changing his mind about the relationship, but he did keep going back to not wanting a committed relationship, just wanted to be friends. He did not want me to date other men though, in case he changed his mind(?) . I had to leave, to another state, and start over. He emails me now and then to see what I am up to. He will be my friend for life....I have made up my mind that I cannot trust him to be anything more than that. It is a hurtful situation, but it is better to listen to what he is saying and not listen to your heart telling you he will change. sorry....move on hon, don't stay in the relationship too long, when you could find the right guy for you.
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| 5/9/2008 11:11:16 AM | New here and need advice. | |
aim622
Irwin, PA
age: 37
| Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. You are all so nice and very understanding. I know I have to move on because it stings every time he contacts me. And it hurts worse when he doesn't. I want to get to the point where when I see his number, I can look away from the phone and ignore it. I'm still in the auto-pickup mode. I can't help myself. I know what I have to do, I am just struggling to get there.
Egglebert, I think you nailed it when you said I’m hanging on to the possibility that we may reconnect. He left that dangling for me to hang on to. He keeps telling me not to give up, just to take it slow. But in the same breath he’s telling me nothing is going to change. He’s not ready for a relationship. I’m confused.
Thanks again for all of the positive feedback.
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| 5/9/2008 2:09:14 PM | New here and need advice. | |
sammygirl58
Edwardsville, IL
age: 49
| I know it will hurt but you are going to have to make a clean break, no talking or texting. He is just keeping you as a back up plan in case the other fails. You need to cut him loose completely. Afetr a time you will heal and then and only then maybe will you be able to be freinds. The pain you are going thru keeps on going because you won't let him go, let him go you will heal and then wonder why in the world you ever put your self thru that for some one like him.
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| 5/9/2008 2:31:45 PM | New here and need advice. | |
topamountain
Nitro, WV
age: 46
| You already know what you gotta do.
But to help get past in, CRY!!! SCREAM!!!! & CRY some more. get it out, till your sick of it. Then maybe try some chocolate. or whatever. and go find a friend , love one whoever to hang out with and maybe listen. But be strong and try to grow. Cause you are right , your going to miss out on someone that might really love you. This guy don't.
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| 5/9/2008 2:46:59 PM | New here and need advice. | |
freebirdvt
Milton, VT
age: 51
| well you cant beat you self up about it...in life people will do and say alot of things to you....well know you heart and what you want...if you life you have to live it the way you want...Im a person that leads with my heart.and some talk helps...if that dont work and you want him that bad grab him by the balls and give him wake up call...its give and take..sometime you have to give up alitle to get alot in return i guess we have two roads in life people have to get up more and bend alittle..but the bottom line..try not to lead with you heart I do but it doeent work out the way i want it to...you know what you have to do....love is forevcer...like i said if you let a man think thats he the boss alittle that goes a long ways.....but whom am i to talk i live alone......Dan
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| 5/9/2008 2:52:29 PM | New here and need advice. | |
bry11ca
Wyandotte, MI
age: 43
| Waffles are for breakfast, not for love affairs. Spit it out and take a bite full of someone else. You won't miss him once your belly is full of someone else.
Did that sound wrong?
Bry 
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| 5/9/2008 4:16:30 PM | New here and need advice. | |
gonesailingbabe
Des Moines, IA
age: 45
| This is going to sound harsh, and really cold - and it may sound that way but it isn't.
And it isn't easy.
And it isn't for wuss's.
But you don't sound like a girl who can't take care of herself....so, the fact of the matter is - you need to be the one who takes control of the relationship, now.
When he pulled the "E brake" as you called it. That was "E" for "E-ject" only he wasn't ready to bail, he just wanted to be the one controlling the gas, and when he drives the car.
If you WANT to stay with him in the driver's seat and you the "Sunday GO To Church" car, or who he calls and text's "just for shits and giggles" then keep enjoying the play - but it won't bring you what you're desiring with him.
Cut the cord,
cut it hard, sharp and clean.
No fun filled text's.
No funny phone calls.
Nada.
I know - there are enjoyable aspects to having even that small communication with him, but in truth what will it bring to your life?
Nothing.
And I think you already know this.
Cold turkey it.
Clip and snip.
Delete him form your cell.
Don't respond to his text's and let him roll into voice mail when he phones.
Sad, sorry but you'll move on far faster, if you're the one driving your own car....not parked and waiting for him to decide to take you for the ride.
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| 5/9/2008 6:09:02 PM | New here and need advice. | |
ge0ge0
Tallahassee, FL
age: 42 online now!
| The way I see it is the guy knows you are into him but he has his eye on some other gal. This usually happens when there is someone else higher up on his "todo" ladder than you are. If he is still contacting you that could mean that he hasn't firmed anything up with the other gal yet and is using you as a fall back contingency plan just in case he doesn't have a date on a certain night.
If I've convinced you that this is probably the case then you should probably be a little pissed by now. Good. That'll help expedite getting over him.
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| 5/9/2008 6:45:20 PM | New here and need advice. | |
aim622
Irwin, PA
age: 37
| Wow! I certainly didn't expect all of these responses. I honestly appreciate each and everyone of your opinions and advice. And it certainly doesn't upset me. I think I knew what was coming. I really just needed the encouragement and a little push to do what I already knew I have to do. Thank you all!!! I will take all of it to heart and I plan on actually doing what you suggested.
It's not going to be easy, but I have to do whatever it takes to move on. Now the challenge begins!
You all are great people. I think I found a new home. Thanks again!
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| 5/9/2008 7:19:26 PM | New here and need advice. | |
8ucute
South Lyon, MI
age: 44
| kittyriffic.. I am there right now. Dont date others
but I will throw you a bone every now and then.
I finally lay it down.. I will date, you are history. So
it was easier than I thought to do.
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