jokersgirl79
Mountain City, TN
age: 28
| 1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.
2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.
3. Every time you turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”
4. Go up to the manager and tell him or her that you’ve lost your mommy.
5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.
6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.
7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he or she has anything for body lice.
8. After visiting the bakery section, go up and down the aisles exclaiming, “My buns are squishy!”
9. While arguing with an invisible friend, you proceed to play tug-of-war over an item.
10. Hold your nose while standing in line at the meat department.
11. Ask the deli clerk how much potato salad it would take for two people to comfortably wrestle in.
12. Fake cell phone conversation: “Doctor, I couldn’t possibly have malaria. That was weeks ago!”
13. Start doing a river dance in front of the corned beef.
14. Tell the checkout cashier that you have to hurry, or your spaceship will leave without you.
15. Tell the checkout bagger that you knew him in a former life, and ask why he left without a note.
16. Ask someone if they saw your picture in the post office and remark that it was one of your best.
17. On a hot summer day, ask the manager if someone can help you clean the snow from your car.
18. Tell a customer that you’re from the future and have just zapped back for an historic vacation.
19. Walk around holding a copy of the Scarlet Letter while sporting a big red “A”.
20. Ask a clerk if you can test several types of deodorant before making a decision to buy one.
21. Using a stethoscope, listen intently to several coconuts in the produce aisle.
22. Tell one of the lobsters that you’ve brought the potion to turn him back into a man.
23. Run up to the fresh vegetables in the produce aisle and yell, “Boo!”
24. Play peek-a-boo with a little old lady while waiting in the checkout line.
25. When the clerk in the deli asks for your order, mime it.
26. Walk around smoking an invisible cigarette – and get great satisfaction from it.
27. Pretend to cook a meal using the pots and pans in the housewares aisle.
28. Bring a concealed whoopie cushion with you and activate it every couple of minutes.
29. Ask if anyone has seen your pet snake – he was just in your pocket a minute ago.
30. While waiting in the deli line, pretend to read an invisible book – be sure to turn the pages.
31. Hold up a can of bug spray and ask someone what type of cracker would go best with it.
32. Shout out, “OK, who squeezed my melons?!”
33. If you see someone offering samples, keep circling like a shark and snatch snacks at each pass.
34. Invite other customers to join you in a game of limbo using a pepperoni stick.
35. Go up to a dead fish on ice, sob and say, “We were supposed to be married on Saturday!”
36. In the middle of one of the aisles, scream, “Food fight!”
37. Stand in front of the ice cream freezer, look intently at it, and scream intermittently.
38. Squirm around a lot and shout, “Quick – where’s the hemorrhoid cream?”
39. Pick up bananas at random; act as though you’re on the phone and say, “Sorry, wrong number!”
40. Point accusingly at one of the cucumbers and say, “I thought I told you to wait in the car!”
41. Holding a flea collar, ask a clerk how you get the flea to hold still so that you can put it on him.
42. Look for someone holding a jar of honey, and then explain that this is actually bee vomit.
43. Every time you pass a particular type of meat, imitate the sound of the animal.
44. Walk down the aisles like a turkey, while opening your eyes as wide as physically possible.
45. As you pass the lettuce, turn toward it, fold your arms and say, “You’re out of your head!”
46. Pick up a jar of pickled pig’s feet and – in a distraught voice – say, “Oh, no! It’s Babe!”
47. As you pass people in the aisles, look startled and run in the opposite direction.
48. Bring a ventriloquist dummy and argue about what to buy for dinner as you go through the store.
49. Tell the produce clerk that the bananas are fighting again, and that they’re all getting bruised.
50. Tell the manager to call for a clean-up in the laxative aisle.
p.s.......my personal favorite......and i HAVE done this......Challange other customers to a duel with a tube of christmas wrap.......
[Edited 5/10/2008 5:38:10 PM]
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littlegirllost
Suffern, NY
age: 21
|  great minds think alike!!good ones!!
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lori21204
Commerce, GA
age: 24 online now!
| 3. Randomly toss things into neighboring aisles.
We do this at the Wal-mart at 3:00 in the morning. IT IS SO FUNNNNNN
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metu
Mansfield, TX
age: 46
| Hippy taught me to pose all the stuffed animals in suggestive positions.....
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littlegirllost
Suffern, NY
age: 21
|  Its fun playin tag football that early to lori!! right in the the middle of the store!!!
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tfortexas
Big Sandy, TX
age: 56
| Turn the food cans upside down
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littlegirllost
Suffern, NY
age: 21
| Mix up all the fruit and veggies!!
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jokersgirl79
Mountain City, TN
age: 28
| 1. Take shopping carts, fill them up, and strand them at random spots.
2. Go up to a newly hired employee and ask where a nonsense item is. Ex. "Do you have any Shnirples here?"
3. Randomly toss things into neighboring aisles.
4. Follow someone staying at least five feet away from them until they leave the store.
5. Two words: "Marco Polo."
6. When an annoncement comes on over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal postion and yell, "THERE'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
7. Go up to a complete stranger and say things like: "Wow, haven't seen you in so long!" etc. See if they catch on to avoid enbarassment.
8. When people are behind you, walk REALLY SLOW. Especialy in thin narrow aisles.
9. Play with the calculators until all of them say "hello" upside down.
10. Repeatedly use the "try me" items.
11. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
12. Challenge other customers to duel with tubes of gift wrap.
13. Type criptic messages in the typewriters.
14. When an employee comes up and says may I help you, begin to cry and yell, "WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE?"
15. Have a rock, paper, sissors tournament in the front lobby.
16. Record yourself making strange noises and put the tape recorder in a shoebox or coat pocket. Then play it every five minutes or so.
17. Play soccer using the whole store as your playing feild.
18. Tune all the radios to a polka station, turn them off and put it at full volume. See what happens when someone turns it on.
19. Stare at a blinking light and look mesmerized. Then after a while start saying "blink" when the light blinks.
20. When the cashier runs the thing you bought over the scanner, look amazed and say, "Wow. Magic!"
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snowbird1961
Los Lunas, NM
age: 46
| Turn to someone in the aisle (or the person shopping with you) and in a distressed voice say "The psychaitrist said you aren't allowed to treat me like that anymore" as loud as you can.
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