Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?

5/13/2008 7:38:08 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
afrolicious El Paso, TX age: 28	Kind of didn't want to post this on the religion forum. Don't really want to hear quotes about the bible just advice or what you all think. I'm a christian, don't act like it though. But I'm not one to preach about something if I know I'm not living right. But my mom and I don't really get along. When we talk she spends most of the time putting me down. Telling me your not doing this right. Your not doing that right. She saw a hicky on my neck on mothers day and she called me a cheap wh*re and practically disowned me. Calls me at work just to yell at me. And I tell her; I'm not one to keep my mouth shut; that why can't she tell me something nice for once. Like congrats Jess for finally moving out and taking care of your children. Wow you have managed to keep the same job for a year now. Or you look nice in that new outfit. Just something nice. She says "You must honor your father and your mother." I know that's in the bible but how could I when she spends her time just critizising me. The only thing that I do is talk back to her. Never cuss her out or attack her I just defend myself and she thinks I should keep my mouth shut. It's gotten to the point where I don't want to take my children to her house any more because I'm tired of hearing her damn mouth. Nothing I do ever makes her happy. She had knee surgery a few weeks ago. I bought her a $30 toilet seat, her medicine, groceries, toilet paper, paid her car bill, took her out to eat, cooked for her, me not my sister me. With that I was kind of hoping she'd ease up and nah. So really how could I honor her when I feel she makes it impossible. Do you all think taking my kids away from her would be wrong. And keep in mind it's way worse than this but I just pointed out a few things. SORRY IT'S SUCH A LONG THREAD BUT I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM PEOPLE. THANK YOU
5/13/2008 7:52:27 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
scruffbutt Saint Paul, MN age: 48	im sorry to hear that....sounds like your mom has a few unresolved issues...i went thru the same with my mom....i know its far more worse than you can explain....ABUSE IS ABUSE=THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN STOP IT IS YOU....REALLY.....IGNORE HER-QUIT DOING ANYTHING FOR HER-DONT ANSWER HER CALLS ETC. whats gonna happen-is your kids are going to pick this up and start slammin you also....a good friend of mine just went thru that...her 13 yr old son damn near beat her to death....why???if grammma can...i can....hes now in juvey jail- i put a stop to it-by completely shutting my mom out of our lives.it took 3 yrs.she missed alot....but it changed her....put a stop to the abuse..get some counseling...she has no right....good luck.....
5/13/2008 7:52:49 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
just_joel Franklin, AR age: 55	its your life
5/13/2008 7:55:51 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
afrolicious El Paso, TX age: 28	Oh wow I have never considered it as abuse. But it totally is, verbal abuse. The biggest reason I moved out was because of the constant arguing we would do and I don't want my kids in that environment but I'm still living it because we talk to each other every day. So if feels like I never really moved out.
5/13/2008 8:00:45 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
scruffbutt Saint Paul, MN age: 48	yea the name calling etc....its abuse....if anyone here in mn.reported their parent or spouse..their goin to jail.....zero tolerance here for anytype of abuse.....
5/13/2008 8:07:42 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
wnd_dragon Morristown, TN age: 29	It is abuse, honey.. and believe me, the farther you can keep your kids from that kind of stuff, the better they will be. It's hard, but in my opinion, keep in mind i'm no shrink, just tend to give pretty good advice.. LOL but, If I were you, I'd sit down with her and just explain. Mom, I'm gonna stop coming by, answering your calls, and talking with you for a while. I am tired of being treated like a piece of crap. Give me a little time, and we'll try this again when you can treat me like I'm a grown woman who has enough sense to live her own life... jmo.... ~Dragon
5/13/2008 8:18:55 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
sweetbabeblues Hannibal, MO age: 52	Afro...I went through alot of the same things while growing up... And alot worse.... While in school, I made it into plays, she's pull me out opening night.. Made it in cheerleading, she said I wasnt good enough, and made me quit... Was in school clubs, she'd pull me out and said I had things more important at home to do... Had boy friends,they were never good enough in her eyes... Then when I got older and moved out, got pregnant, and the babys dad married someone else.. She actulay gave me three options...adoption, abortion or get married to the first guy who'd have me... She told me I wasnt good enough for a man, and should wallow in self pity for a while... I got married, and she wouldnt help pay for anything, but my two sisters had huge elaberate weddings all payed for by her. I owned a business, and she wouldnt even show up on opening day... Then when she came to work for me, she robbed me blind... And if anything ever was wrong or happened...it was always my fault whether I knew about it or not, let alone if it realy was my fault...... Got married a second time, she sent him a sympathy card.... Any achievements I made in life, she would ask me if I layed on my back and got them... I finaly had enough and said, "No Mom...that's what you would have done".... She even tried to prostitutre me out as a teenager, and I was abused by her man friend while in high school.. So ya, I went through hell.... I had a friends dad (he is a shrink) tell me once that the worst thing in my life was my family, and something struck at that very moment. He told me once I got away from the negativity, then I could live my life for me, not for my Mother. And he was right.... The day I found out she died...I cried... Not for her, but because I finaly was out from under her grips.... I was free!!! And then I took that first breath I was never able to take before, and step forward into my own life... And have to say, I have never looked back.... Live your life for YOU...no one else.... [Edited 5/13/2008 8:20:36 AM]
5/13/2008 8:25:29 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
afrolicious El Paso, TX age: 28	I think that she is very money hungry. She got jealous when she saw I make more money than her. She wants me and my sister to give her a monthly allowance. During income tax she filed my two oldest kids because she took care of them half a year when I was pregnant. And we agreed she'd give me half, which she says she did but I think she lied on the amount. But I told her that I want the entire rebate check the government is giving out. And yesterday she told me that she needs it and she is keeping it. Knowing I have 3 kids to take care of she doesn't. That just pissed me off.
5/13/2008 8:29:33 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
bountyman Carthage, MO age: 47	wow afro i see you are torn with this i have been one of the lucky ones to have parents who never really faught, judged or meddled in any of their kids lives. Only there with emotional support when we needed it and some financial also(although the financial always came with a payment and ammortization schedule) Also am lucky enough to never see my parents go through marital troubles at any moment. On june 7 I will be lucky enough to see what i missed 50 years ago to the day THEIR WEDDING--YEP THEYRE GONNA DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN so yes i honor my mother and father--its not hard in my case and love -admire -and respect them too moms bald from kemo right now(well the fuzzy grey thing ) and dad still looks at her with the same look he did the first day they met--so hopefully they will make it to 75 yrs together and we can do this again
5/13/2008 8:30:12 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
stormygrl Longmont, CO age: 42	Afro I agree with what most people here are saying.....if you don't need her for anything just cut off all communication with her after you tell her how you feel and why you are doing it.....give her time to be alone with her (evil) thoughts and perhaps someday she will come around and see you for the person that you have become, if not then it's her loss: no daughter and no grandchildren. I've had rounds with my Mom in my life also, we get along fine now but I had to cut off all contact so she could realize what she was doing to me and how wrong it was. Good Luck and I hope things will work out in the future.
5/13/2008 8:31:40 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
dgapeach Flowery Branch, GA age: 44	Bounty thats awsome congrats to your parents [Edited 5/13/2008 8:32:09 AM]
5/13/2008 8:46:40 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
sweetbabeblues Hannibal, MO age: 52	afro... with three kids you could have state help and make it on your own if need be. And what about child support from the father? Also your job..... Just because you are related to her by blood, does not mean you have to bow and kiss smeones ass.... I know she is your mother...but there are times, and it looks like it here, that they take advantage of you.... Your best bet would be to move some distance away make a life for yourself, and then if she wants to see you or your kids, then work things out. But beeing under her wing is not helping you at all. It's only helping her out finacialy, while your going in the hole.... And things are gonna get worse if you don't... Trust me on this one....
5/13/2008 8:56:08 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
afrolicious El Paso, TX age: 28	I also feel like she is turning my 4 year old daughter against me. My daughter didn't want to live with me any more. She would cry for my mom with so much feeling like if she was never going to see her any more. One time she told me that she doesn't love me she only loves her grandma. My mom tells her I am going to hell because I listen to rap music and I don't go to church. She has gotten better my little bit even apologized for saying she don't love me. My heart is acting up and in the morning her and my son cried because they love me so much and they don't want me to die. Shit I'm living my kids are the only thing I have. But my mom didn't try to make things better between me and my daughter.
5/13/2008 8:58:46 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
afrolicious El Paso, TX age: 28	Well I get peanuts for child support. But I have a really good job. I applied for housing a year and a half ago and they told me that I make to much money and that felt good to not be able to qualify for something. So I am literally doing every thing on my own. It's hard but I'm making it. And I am damn proud of myself. I'm already looking to buy my own house.
5/13/2008 9:10:59 AM	Honor your Father and your Mother how hard is this?
beadz Waterbury, CT age: 31	I too am Christian but no I don't live up to it either...so take this knowing I have the same heart. While I haven't had it nearly as bad... I do understand, my mother is always telling me I can do better, I should do this or that... never a positive comment. My kids live with their dad because they have asthma now, and my parents (who I live with - no other options right now) still smoke....Now they live 45 minutes away with him....and she tries to guilt me that she doesn't get to see them enough! I only get to see them 2-3 days a week and they're my kids! She never asks how I feel or how I deal with it... it's just boo hoo her... Sometimes I feel bad, but trying to guilt me does not work, it pisses me off. Who's fault is it my kids are sick in the first place??!? You said you moved out, good for you! If she watches your kids, then find someone else. Depending on how old your kids are, explain to them why you're severing ties - if they ask about her. How do they feel about her? But yes, severe ties! As long as you're around this woman she will only bring you down. The phrase turn the other cheek does not mean stand there and get stoned to death either. Forgiveness and love are not excuses to be abused, you are honoring her by walking away and not saying the things you might want to and would regret because that's not the kind of person you are. If you can make it without that money, let her have it... will it cover the cost of what she's losing? Believe in yourself, you are doing great so far!

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