| 5/20/2008 11:42:52 PM | Let's try this again.. | | 
bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 24
| I posted this before, but it was deleted within about 10 minutes because Granny's bifocals weren't working, and she decided to attack me for no reason.
(Back story, for those of you who need to know "everything" - YES. I am posting on a "dating" site even though I have a girlfriend. It's the "relationship" forum. Why would a single person need relationship advice? I AM divorced. It says EX-wife. Please understand that. My ex did not "abandon" her daughter. She's in the Army, stationed 1500 miles away, and we're still halfway friends, I suppose. She loves our daughter, enough to know that she is better off with me. I've been best friends with my current girlfriend for about 5 years now. She was there for us when we moved back home in November, and we've been dating since around February. And these two girls HATE each other.)
So my daughter's birthday is coming up next week. My ex-wife is taking leave to come up for it. My ex and I haven't been to court yet for custody, but she's given me custody of her right now. I told my girlfriend that it's probably not a good idea for her to come because of that.
Now she's pissed off, saying if anybody deserves to be there, it's her. Plus she doesn't really like the fact of me spending a week with my ex without her around..I told her I gotta keep things civil or my ex will take the custody to court and I could lose my daughter.
It's not wrong for me to tell my girlfriend she can't come, right?
[Edited 5/20/2008 11:46:39 PM]
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| 5/21/2008 12:09:22 AM | Let's try this again.. | |
sweet_n_sassy1
Mobile, AL
age: 26
| Lord knows I'm not the best authority on relationships.....but IMO you have to put your child first. I understand your current g/f may not want to relinquish what she thinks of as "her ground" to your ex. But if she's adult enough to be in a relationship she should be adult enough to understand that you will always be linked to your child's mother. Whichever way you go, all the adults involved should understand that it's the child's day and should not be ruined because of pettiness or insecurity on the part of either adult female.
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| 5/21/2008 12:18:36 AM | Let's try this again.. | |
mln21
Greensburg, PA
age: 21
| no its not wrong at all your current g/f should understand and if she loves ur daughter and loves you she wont want to jeperdize u loosing her so she needs to calm down and let it go
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| 5/21/2008 1:38:54 AM | Let's try this again.. | |
muffycakes
Chanhassen, MN
age: 26
| Biology is not the only thing that makes a mom (or dad). If your girlfriend has been stepping in and playing the mother role then it would be very damaging to her if you were to leave her out all together in the daughters birthday celebrations. Any possible way that you can just bring your girlfriend but not let her attend the birthday party in which your ex will be present? You can host a birthday party that includes the girlfriend at a later time. I would be worried too if my guy was to spend an entire week with his ex without me around but yes i do agree that when children are involved then both parents must stay in good communication with each other.
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| 5/21/2008 5:24:21 AM | Let's try this again.. | |
curious70000
Wyandotte, MI
age: 46
| Okay,, you have only dated this g/f since Feb, that is ONLY a few months, she is way whacked if she thinks she needs to be at this birthday thing, ABSOLUTELY NOT, nor should you feel, or be made to feel bad about the situation. She is simply being catty and needs to grow her a** up, if i were you i would have many reservations on continueing with her, she will be troulbe for you and your daughter for however long your relationship lasts. If she and your ex have that much HATE as you put it for each other, she is well aware of this herself, and in knowing, knows that she will cause trouble, and still seeks that, AND only after being with you for a short time, don't matter how long you had been friends before the fact that you were dating, she's trouble dude,, big trouble.
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| 5/21/2008 5:34:40 AM | Let's try this again.. | |
chipps1971
Novi, MI
age: 37
| I don't even understand why you're asking advice about this. The answer is clear. Your girlfriend can't be at the party, nor should she b*tch about the EX being around for a week. Your daughter should come first over ANYTHING. If she can't understand that, she needs to grow up a little. You and your girlfriend should sit down for some serious talking before the EX shows up for the birthday. You need to let her know that, "This is my daughter and she means the world to me.....hell she IS my world. And nothing is more important to me than the love she gives her daddy. I'm not gonna jeopardize that for nothing."
Good Luck....
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| 5/21/2008 6:50:01 AM | Let's try this again.. | |
rosesandlolipop
Somerset, KY
age: 48
| Sweety, you do what you have to do for your daughter, she needs to come first in your life right now. Good luck.
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| 5/21/2008 10:14:09 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 24
| I don't even understand why you're asking advice about this. The answer is clear. Your girlfriend can't be at the party, nor should she b*tch about the EX being around for a week. Your daughter should come first over ANYTHING. If she can't understand that, she needs to grow up a little. You and your girlfriend should sit down for some serious talking before the EX shows up for the birthday. You need to let her know that, "This is my daughter and she means the world to me.....hell she IS my world. And nothing is more important to me than the love she gives her daddy. I'm not gonna jeopardize that for nothing."
Good Luck....
I understand what you're saying, and you're right. I just feel bad. We moved home when my daughter was 6 months old. Separated from my ex when she was 3 months old, and my girlfriend has been there for us ever since. She HAS been there for my daughter alot longer than her mother has, but at the same time I don't see that entirely as my ex's fault..I'm just trying to find an alternative that will keep both of them happy I suppose.
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| 5/21/2008 10:21:08 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
bfstx
Hunker, PA
age: 32
| yyou fool you shit where you eat didnt you your not even divorced yet or at least havent setteled your custody hearing ya i could see there being hard fealings between these two and your the cause of it but your girl friend has the right to be upset but its your choice if you want her there sounds like there is some trust isues with your x and you and your girl friend could it be that while you were married you were with your girlfriend if this relationship works for you your lucky these types ussualy dont
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| 5/21/2008 10:56:59 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 24
| yyou fool you shit where you eat didnt you your not even divorced yet or at least havent setteled your custody hearing ya i could see there being hard fealings between these two and your the cause of it but your girl friend has the right to be upset but its your choice if you want her there sounds like there is some trust isues with your x and you and your girl friend could it be that while you were married you were with your girlfriend if this relationship works for you your lucky these types ussualy dont
Somebody sure skipped English class alot. Hooked on phonics is your friend. Next please.
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| 5/21/2008 11:06:43 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 24
| yyou fool you shit where you eat didnt you your not even divorced yet or at least havent setteled your custody hearing ya i could see there being hard fealings between these two and your the cause of it but your girl friend has the right to be upset but its your choice if you want her there sounds like there is some trust isues with your x and you and your girl friend could it be that while you were married you were with your girlfriend if this relationship works for you your lucky these types ussualy dont
I've been best friends with my current girlfriend for about 5 years now. She was there for us when we moved back home in November, and we've been dating since around February.
We moved home when my daughter was 6 months old. Separated from my ex when she was 3 months old, and my girlfriend has been there for us ever since.
My daughter's birthday is obviously in June. Sooo..I separated from my wife in September. Got divorced in November and moved 1500 miles away from my ex-wife. Started dating in February, 3 months after my divorce, and 5 months after our separation. How is this so hard to understand? Does jealousy cause your need to attack someone?
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| 5/21/2008 11:14:22 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
lillibet
New South Wales
Australia
age: 51
| So you say your girlfriend has been there a lot longer than the childs mother has...Why do you think its ok to shove the girlfriend in the background while the ex is on the scene????If that was me getting shoved out after i had been there so long and supported you in raising your child then i would say bye bye...If she has been like a mother to your child and in a long term relationship with you then that should count for something more than "oh hon you need to butt out for awhile"..You need to think about how being pushed out now feels.....P.S. are you sure you arent making excuses??????
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| 5/21/2008 11:16:25 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
spiros
Edmonton, AB
age: 18
| Your girlfriend needs to realize that its not about her and she needs to get over her insecurity issues.
Its about your daughter.
[Edited 5/21/2008 11:22:34 PM]
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| 5/21/2008 11:27:51 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
bigdaddy86
Carbondale, IL
age: 24
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What your ex and your girlfriend should do is set aside their differences and just be there for your daughter. Its not about them, its about you're little girl.
I'm not disagreeing with this at all. But I can't control what they do. We were married and divorced in the state of Texas, where the mother gets custody 80% of the time because she has tits. I agree that my girlfriend does deserve to be there, but I don't think it's worth risking my own relationship with my daughter.
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| 5/21/2008 11:30:46 PM | Let's try this again.. | |
spiros
Edmonton, AB
age: 18
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What your ex and your girlfriend should do is set aside their differences and just be there for your daughter. Its not about them, its about you're little girl.
I'm not disagreeing with this at all. But I can't control what they do. We were married and divorced in the state of Texas, where the mother gets custody 80% of the time because she has tits. I agree that my girlfriend does deserve to be there, but I don't think it's worth risking my own relationship with my daughter.
You kind of do have control. Its a matter of sitting your girlfriend down and saying, listen she may not be the best mother ever and she may not be here as often as you are, but this is about me and my daughter. And at this moment in time, if you are really in this relationship, then you need to realize how important this is for me and my daughter.
and if she still doesn't realize the importance of the situation then she's not really supportive.
and sadly, the gender bias still gives society the idea that women are perfect mothers and children need them in their lives.
thats a load of crap.
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