Back To Blog Entries

Dear Dogs and Cats
by shawnee_b at 7/26/2010 6:52:51 AM

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.


7/26/2010 7:02:10 AM

7/26/2010 7:06:11 AM

I have 3 dogs myself, and they came from a variety of places. From the humane society, rescued,or family. They are fixed all but one and I'm hoping to get him done soon. Recently I rescued a dog that was tied outside and not fed his ribs were showing badly. I fed him and cared for him daily. He gained weight and ran around playing. He was a wonderful dog caring and laid back. I found a forever home for him with a girl who loved him like I did.

7/26/2010 7:08:04 AM

ROFLMAO....I highly approve this message....The Cat's Man...Head male servant of the Masters..Twinky,Pumpkin,Diva,Spike,Tiger and The Cat of the at The Cats Castle...

7/26/2010 7:56:40 AM

Glad you enjoyed. My 2 dogs in my profile pictures are basically rescues too, but a bit costly. I did rescue a cat that really was at deaths door so named her Persephone. An always loose mastiff ate her. Poor kitty had a hard life except for the time she had with me. My dogs are hairless, no fur on furniture!

7/26/2010 11:11:07 AM

ROTFLMFAO AND I am SOOO having stomach cramps this is FUNNY!!!!!! dont like cats but i am a dog person... cat dander allergy and they are sneakier than me my dog wont jump and claw my feet just to play stalker games hahahaha...

7/26/2010 9:00:31 PM

Here's to pets everywhere.

7/27/2010 6:34:32 AM

I'm quite a dog person but have had plenty cats and when I do they get just as much love. Wild critters, livestock, they all get it. Here's to pets? Look out mine will drain a beer or wine glass! Coffee too.

7/27/2010 5:29:05 PM

To all

7/28/2010 7:01:05 PM