###Editor’s note: Catch up on Bianca’s previous dating adventures here.
There are the types of people in the world who are quick to jump into calling someone their boyfriend/girlfriend after a few dates. Then there are the types of people in the world (like me) who never know how many dates it will take for it to be appropriate to call someone your boyfriend (or girlfriend)… even after you’ve had “the exclusivity talk”.
I’m dating this guy who is basically my boyfriend, but he is my non-boyfriend — a term I used when we were non-exclusive, and a term I continue to use even though we are now exclusive. And even though my friends and the media, including Ryan Seacrest, have referred to him as my boyfriend.
Since I was introduced to the term by an old roommate, I’ve called every guy I’ve dated for more than a few dates, my “Non Boyfriend” (Non-BF), partially because I just didn’t know whether it would be ok for me to call them my boyfriend, and also because I am a commitment-phobe and never know whether or not I actually WANT to call someone my boyfriend, even if they are.
The term Non-BF is beautiful. Why? Because it can mean so many things.
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What is a Non-BF?
Non-BF is a general term. You can call many guys you’ve dated a Non-BF, referencing anyone that you are seeing consistently but isn’t your BF. But what type of Non-BF they are can vary in a wide spectrum. Because of this, in your dating life span you can have very few BFs and many Non-BFs (helping you keep your “BF number down” much like the recyclables in the “sea” help keep your “sxy number” down). You don’t have to let the world know what type of Non-BF your current Non-BF is. In fact, using the term loosely is sort of the point.
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In my experience, these are the 7 types of Non-BFs I’ve established:
The “I Don’t Want A GF But I Don’t Want You To See Other People” Non-BF
You like this guy. He likes you. He tells you that he wouldn’t be comfortable dating you if you were seeing other people. In a wave of feeling agreeable, you say ‘ok, sure’. The problem? He’s not looking for a girlfriend, so essentially he’s not looking to date other people and therefore doesn’t have to change anything in his dating behavior. You are now in a limbo where you aren’t his girlfriend but agreed to exclusivity and have changed YOUR dating behavior extremely. This will prove to be very inconvenient and annoying when he lives his life normally, and you have to curb yours by not going on dates with other people — even though he’s not giving you the attention you should probably be getting from the people you would be going on dates with (who you can’t go on dates with because you agreed not to see other people). This will be short-lived. This is a stupid idea. Why would you enter into such an agreement?!? It’s ok, we all make dumb choices every once and again. But essentially, in this case, this boy is your Non-BF.
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