The Secret To Getting Him To Commit

###So you think that the man (or woman) you’re dating will never commit to you, because he can’t or won’t, or both. And that you’ll never, ever be able to find a man who will commit to you, because men suck and then you die. Ok. Rewind.

A woman I know from Miami told me about a brief affair she had with a gentleman. They had delicious chemistry and kissed with their mouths open and all kinds of lovely, sexy stuff happened. “But it won’t work out because he’s noncommittal.”

They had just met. How does she know this? She doesn’t. She made up a story that no one would want just her, and then blamed him for it. How would you know someone is or isn’t or could be committed to you after knowing them a week? You can’t.

This persistent idea here — that some people JUST CAN’T commit — is bullshit. Why? Because anyone can commit. It’s a decision, not a personality trait—it involves a specific set of choices and actions that any person is physically capable of making/doing. The only person making early judgments about whether someone is or is not “a commitment person” is you.

Trust me, I know. I was the queen of “What? I can’t even commit to hanging shelves” ba-dump-bump joke. It was a handy story I used to “explain” why I wasn’t in a committed meaningful relationship. As if it were because I wasn’t evolved or mature enough. That couldn’t be further from true. (And it’s not about fate either, as I argued here.)

Fact is, you can get anyone to commit. It’s not rocket science. I’m going to use the clichéd/stereotypical “he” here for simplicity’s sake, not because it’s always true, but I hear this most from women about men.

To get a man to commit, you need to do two things:

Rock his world.
Make him earn it.

I told you this wasn’t rocket science. How could it be that simple? It is. It’s just that you’re not doing it.

Let’s break it down, shall we?

1. Rock His World

This is a critical first step. If you can’t blow his mind, he’s not looking to commit to you. Why would he? Because you think he should? Nope. He has to want to be with you and enjoy your company and feel pretty fucking awesome around you. And you should feel that way, too. Yes, you have to be at your best. Not perfect, because no one is. But you’ve got to bring your A game.

You must teach him how to treat you, so that he has to initiate, make an effort, and earn the thing he wants. And I don’t just mean sex, because you can get sex anywhere. I mean the great stuff he loves about being with you.

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